17th June 2004
Good morning! Good news twice! First - got my zelnorm filled yesterday (it's the med that has the commercial w/the lady w/writing on her stomach for IBS w/constipation) and well... let's just say JUST ONE PILL did the trick. I mean, to the point where I started to worry about 'feeling faint'... lol I'm scared to take another one this a.m. because I'm scared I won't be able to work. I think if my dumb butt would just take that med as prescribed, it would help so much - but I don't until I get SO frustrated and bloated. Anyway, I literally lost 5 lbs from yesterday a.m. to today. Also, headache went away!
A guy I've been dating invited me to go GAMBLING over there in your part of the world. Well, let's just say that you know how addicts are --- I LOSE control... so he said he would help me w/my money and not let me start selling my clothes to gamble more once I run out. lol I'm very excited! The best is that I've had some trouble w/some of the 'bad boys' I've been seeing and this guy is actually one of the nice ones. I'm feeling very good today. AND --- what I need to realize is that I've still had lots of dates even weighing 150... But - I'm still going to taper on the Sub. I swear, once I get off I will never let myself get over 125 again. Actually, I will be very happy at 130. I can weight that weight and still wear an 8 or 6. I can hide my weight well. But when you are 150, there's only so much you can do. However, I definitely feel thinner today. And yesterday I only ate like 400 calories... just wasn't hungry.
K - I made the mistake of reading that post you told me about. I'm just going to 'pop in' and say 'you never know what someone is going through/goes through until you walk a mile in their shoes'. I mean, you know who is correct when she says that docs have given meds to counteract meds but guess what? If it keeps me from taking 20 lortab a day... then what in the heck does it matter to them? Especially if the meds are non addictive? I would say the only med I should NOT be taking is the diet pills. But after reading tons about it - a quick taper is all I need... and WHO CARES? And like I've said before, I've gotten off of benzos in TWO WEEKS w/no side effects. So - the only thing that I'm on that I'm STUCK on is the Sub and again, it's saved my life. Made me able to care for my kids and stopped me from killing myself and losing custody of my children and being homeless, and losing my job. Should I go on?
I wish I hadn't of read it. I know that X is trying to help people, but I swear I almost thought I heard a wish for the other one to be right and for people to suffer as she says they will when they try to come off of stuff. It's amazing... peoples' need to be write overwriting their compassion to try and help. Also, it's all black and white to her... I was listening to someone the other day talk about the health system over there and how it was extremely sub standard. Maybe some people are upset because they aren't prescribed drugs to make withdrawals easier? Or to make addiction easier? I told you that I KNEW that people felt as if I took the 'easy way out' w/Sub... well, I will have to pay the price when it's time to get off, then so be it.
Gosh, sorry I went on and on. You know I'm adament about people knowing that meds are out there to help them. I had NO CLUE about Sub and if I would have known, maybe it would have saved me from bankruptcy and losing my house. In addition, I've had so many people tell me that because of me speaking out - that they have their life back and I know you realize that this is so important to me. If I can help someone.. then my goodness why in the heck wouldn't I? It's NOT BLACK AND WHITE! People have to have an open mind. Anyway, again X is good good good. He's helped me tons of times and he's stated before that he truly believes that without sub, I couldn't have stopped back when I did.... He does have an open mind. He just hates what I'm going to have to go through. The other person... well, I used to love her - but I promise you I sensed a tone of hoping for people to be in misery just so they can say 'you were right'! Very sad!
Enough of that - how are you? Let me know about the sweating.... is it just sweating (not that that is not enough... I just know that horrible feverish feeling is what keeps me flat on my back during wds) but I also remember wding from hydros and waking up at night having to change shirts because my shirt was so wet. Actually, I remember doing that while taking 20 tabs a day and NOT in wds... Well, I guess I was because I would never wake up at night to take any so I guess that IS what it was. Man, I really screwed up my body. Looking back, isn't it hard to believe how quickly your intake escalated? I mean, it was overnight going from taking 1 or 2 to taking 5 and 6 at a time... Those days were so scary... didn't know if I was going to wake up. I know you remember.
let me know how you are... and wish me luck on Sat :-) I know that my church wouldn't be thrilled w/ me going but if I realize it's for entertainment and I'm willing to lose a certain amount... it's o.k.... right? I'm trying to justify... But it's still so much fun. Take care!
A guy I've been dating invited me to go GAMBLING over there in your part of the world. Well, let's just say that you know how addicts are --- I LOSE control... so he said he would help me w/my money and not let me start selling my clothes to gamble more once I run out. lol I'm very excited! The best is that I've had some trouble w/some of the 'bad boys' I've been seeing and this guy is actually one of the nice ones. I'm feeling very good today. AND --- what I need to realize is that I've still had lots of dates even weighing 150... But - I'm still going to taper on the Sub. I swear, once I get off I will never let myself get over 125 again. Actually, I will be very happy at 130. I can weight that weight and still wear an 8 or 6. I can hide my weight well. But when you are 150, there's only so much you can do. However, I definitely feel thinner today. And yesterday I only ate like 400 calories... just wasn't hungry.
K - I made the mistake of reading that post you told me about. I'm just going to 'pop in' and say 'you never know what someone is going through/goes through until you walk a mile in their shoes'. I mean, you know who is correct when she says that docs have given meds to counteract meds but guess what? If it keeps me from taking 20 lortab a day... then what in the heck does it matter to them? Especially if the meds are non addictive? I would say the only med I should NOT be taking is the diet pills. But after reading tons about it - a quick taper is all I need... and WHO CARES? And like I've said before, I've gotten off of benzos in TWO WEEKS w/no side effects. So - the only thing that I'm on that I'm STUCK on is the Sub and again, it's saved my life. Made me able to care for my kids and stopped me from killing myself and losing custody of my children and being homeless, and losing my job. Should I go on?
I wish I hadn't of read it. I know that X is trying to help people, but I swear I almost thought I heard a wish for the other one to be right and for people to suffer as she says they will when they try to come off of stuff. It's amazing... peoples' need to be write overwriting their compassion to try and help. Also, it's all black and white to her... I was listening to someone the other day talk about the health system over there and how it was extremely sub standard. Maybe some people are upset because they aren't prescribed drugs to make withdrawals easier? Or to make addiction easier? I told you that I KNEW that people felt as if I took the 'easy way out' w/Sub... well, I will have to pay the price when it's time to get off, then so be it.
Gosh, sorry I went on and on. You know I'm adament about people knowing that meds are out there to help them. I had NO CLUE about Sub and if I would have known, maybe it would have saved me from bankruptcy and losing my house. In addition, I've had so many people tell me that because of me speaking out - that they have their life back and I know you realize that this is so important to me. If I can help someone.. then my goodness why in the heck wouldn't I? It's NOT BLACK AND WHITE! People have to have an open mind. Anyway, again X is good good good. He's helped me tons of times and he's stated before that he truly believes that without sub, I couldn't have stopped back when I did.... He does have an open mind. He just hates what I'm going to have to go through. The other person... well, I used to love her - but I promise you I sensed a tone of hoping for people to be in misery just so they can say 'you were right'! Very sad!
Enough of that - how are you? Let me know about the sweating.... is it just sweating (not that that is not enough... I just know that horrible feverish feeling is what keeps me flat on my back during wds) but I also remember wding from hydros and waking up at night having to change shirts because my shirt was so wet. Actually, I remember doing that while taking 20 tabs a day and NOT in wds... Well, I guess I was because I would never wake up at night to take any so I guess that IS what it was. Man, I really screwed up my body. Looking back, isn't it hard to believe how quickly your intake escalated? I mean, it was overnight going from taking 1 or 2 to taking 5 and 6 at a time... Those days were so scary... didn't know if I was going to wake up. I know you remember.
let me know how you are... and wish me luck on Sat :-) I know that my church wouldn't be thrilled w/ me going but if I realize it's for entertainment and I'm willing to lose a certain amount... it's o.k.... right? I'm trying to justify... But it's still so much fun. Take care!