7th June 2004
Hey guys... thanks Spark! And Dan, thank you for your prayers... Well, this morning I had my first crying spell in over a month. It was the same ole depression that I used to have... and today is my ex's b'day. SO... I go to see this shrink (who's supposed to be the best in town) and tell her EVERYTHING! Basically, she increased my welbutrin... said that 300 mgs was the 'normal' adult dosage... And... told me to get off of the diet pills. Said that I need to lose weight the old fashioned way. She doesn't have a clue about Sub... she told me she had 'heard of it' but had no experience with it in any way... Told me i would need to continue seeing the Sub doc for that.
BUt---I read again about Meridia and saw that it severely affects your serotonin... obviously, the diet pills are counter acting my welbutrin so I have to get off :-( I know, I know... But she said that with Welbutrin, that it increases your metabolism and that I should lose a little weight anyway. So, that's the story. That means I'll be on Welbutrin, xanax and Suboxone... and occasionally the Zelnorm for IBS and some other kind of liquid laxative that the doc gave me for whenever I can't go. However, I haven't gotten the laxative filled yet and I'm out of Zelnorm and haven't gotten that filled yet either. So far, my stomach has been doing LOTS better... basically, I've been doing ALOT better, overall.... except for this morning.
And let me just tell you... I sent my ex an e-card telling him that I"m crying and I miss him and blah, blah, blah.... told him I couldn't believe how I was upset about his b'day because I had been doing so well and going out and having fun, etc. but that I just couldn't forget him,... obviously, if I'm crying on his b'day.
He writes me back and says oh, stop crying... you have a great life, great children,... you are very pretty and you are going to find someone that makes you happy, etc., etc. Then he said "I thought you weren't going to that doctor until my b'day - June 9th"!!!!!!! I absolutely couldn't believe it. I laughed the rest of the day. How stupid am I? I get all upset (which was caused from the diet pills counter acting the Welbutrin) and write him and am just crying my eyes out and it's not even his b'day....
A friend of mine said "yeah, he really must be the love of your life.... you can't even remember his b'day".... I was just entirely humiliated!!! But it made me laugh and I realized that I wasn't falling into the depression again... I was just taking the wrong meds. This alone made me feel better. I also realized that it would have been normal for me to get upset on his b'day... that most normal people would have done that anyway and that made me feel better too.
Anyway, is that the weirdest, funniest, craziest story you've ever heard? And how much of a waste of time was it for me to go to the shrink, only for her to tell me to double my welbutrin and get off the diet pills. I'm the one that researched and saw that meridia wasn't working w/my antidepressant????? Anyway... hope everyone is having a good day. I am so much better... Just hope that come Wed (his REAL b'day) that I don't wake up crying again... I don't think my friends can take it!! Spark - how are you? What are you taking and how are fighting the cravings? Tell me all... please. I don't know how you are!
