29th August 2004
Hiya Gang...Sorry to be so remiss in not posting/replying sooner- my apologies
to all,however,I did not want to be a " burden ,downer to the board family,etc.."...A very special thanks to you Lynn ,Sara ,Over,BC....you all
have a special place in my heart..as many others here I also have in my
heart ,prayers,thoughts daily..Lynn thank you so very much in " reaching
out to me...taking the extrodinary time ,effort ,concern to speak so openly
about your own battle(s) with depression...I printed those posts of yours
and read them first thing in the a.m. to inspire me to continue to take my
" AD cocktail "...how will I ever repay you???..Sara.."your sixth sense "
worked once again my friend as I just managed to try and get the strength
to log on and see how everyone is doing and I managed to read your post
first..the lottery..and after reading it while crying you gave me hope and
friendship and inspiration to continue to fight for my life against these mighty
opponent(s) depression and addiction recovery..Lynn your posts and having
me read " Noonday Demon " has literally saved my life my friend...I will never
be able to thank you enough..I am still clean..no opiates,benzos,muscle
relaxers or alcohol...just the meds my doc rxed for my depression..Wellbutrin
XL 300 mg .Fluoxetine 60mg, and now he added 150 mg trazodone at h.s...
When,when will they begin to work???....Today I couldnt even stand to hear
the clocks "tick" , or the t.v. ,etc...I am in such a very dark and scarey place
right now...Maybe I need to talk to my Physchiatrist on my Wed appt. to
see if I need to be hospitalized for this depression.. as so far I appear to be
losing the battle no matter how hard I fight...The last week(s) have been
absolutely unbearable as I lay in bed crying as my ex just carries more and
more out of my home...artwork,stereo equipment,jewelry,televisions,dishes,
etc...Today she came to get more stuff and I told her to take all the beer
that she has been leaving for me as I put it out in the garage ( I havent drank
since last week when I downed a six pack of beer one night )...I said either
you take it by tonight or I will make sure you leave penniless and without a
car..she took it with her but then later tonight I checked my mailbox and
inside she left a bottle of Tanqueray Maalac and a ribbon around it...Ugghh
Maybe once a yr usually during a " business meeting " I will have a Tangueray
Maalac and tonic"....When will she stop being so cruel and heartless to me??
....If I only knew the answers to so many questions I have..Maybe as
someone here said..someday it shall all be revealed to me...Thanks again
guys for checking on me ,all your prayers,postive energy and support and
friendship...I love ya guys !
Love....Chris :angel:
to all,however,I did not want to be a " burden ,downer to the board family,etc.."...A very special thanks to you Lynn ,Sara ,Over,BC....you all
have a special place in my heart..as many others here I also have in my
heart ,prayers,thoughts daily..Lynn thank you so very much in " reaching
out to me...taking the extrodinary time ,effort ,concern to speak so openly
about your own battle(s) with depression...I printed those posts of yours
and read them first thing in the a.m. to inspire me to continue to take my
" AD cocktail "...how will I ever repay you???..Sara.."your sixth sense "
worked once again my friend as I just managed to try and get the strength
to log on and see how everyone is doing and I managed to read your post
first..the lottery..and after reading it while crying you gave me hope and
friendship and inspiration to continue to fight for my life against these mighty
opponent(s) depression and addiction recovery..Lynn your posts and having
me read " Noonday Demon " has literally saved my life my friend...I will never
be able to thank you enough..I am still clean..no opiates,benzos,muscle
relaxers or alcohol...just the meds my doc rxed for my depression..Wellbutrin
XL 300 mg .Fluoxetine 60mg, and now he added 150 mg trazodone at h.s...
When,when will they begin to work???....Today I couldnt even stand to hear
the clocks "tick" , or the t.v. ,etc...I am in such a very dark and scarey place
right now...Maybe I need to talk to my Physchiatrist on my Wed appt. to
see if I need to be hospitalized for this depression.. as so far I appear to be
losing the battle no matter how hard I fight...The last week(s) have been
absolutely unbearable as I lay in bed crying as my ex just carries more and
more out of my home...artwork,stereo equipment,jewelry,televisions,dishes,
etc...Today she came to get more stuff and I told her to take all the beer
that she has been leaving for me as I put it out in the garage ( I havent drank
since last week when I downed a six pack of beer one night )...I said either
you take it by tonight or I will make sure you leave penniless and without a
car..she took it with her but then later tonight I checked my mailbox and
inside she left a bottle of Tanqueray Maalac and a ribbon around it...Ugghh
Maybe once a yr usually during a " business meeting " I will have a Tangueray
Maalac and tonic"....When will she stop being so cruel and heartless to me??
....If I only knew the answers to so many questions I have..Maybe as
someone here said..someday it shall all be revealed to me...Thanks again
guys for checking on me ,all your prayers,postive energy and support and
friendship...I love ya guys !
Love....Chris :angel: