25th May 2004
Honestly hear me out, :) you see, when im lurking around support boards on the internet, they're usually a lot of heroin, cocaine, meth, ect users on them... Although my user name says im a new member, Ive been coming to this board for years, and I see MOST of you have oxycodone and hydrocodone addictions, no?.... Ive seen newbee's come on this board begging for help.... Me, my brother, sister, boyfriend, son, daughter, grandmother ect. is an Alcoholic, heroin addict, crack addict, meth addict, and thier posts are *poof * gone in 20 seconds covered by, "Jan, how was your day, are you still taking Vicodin? Bill? No, are you still taking OxyContin?" and these people get ignored. Why? is it that you guys dont care? I dont think it's that, Is it because you really don't understand. yes, it is...
A very rant post from someone who consumes a lot of cocaine who wants to quit. Consumption is a very big part of recovery and it's a very big part if you do recover or not. it's not always a "do you want to commit" issue. It's a can you commit? It's a "how much damage was done" issue. Dopamine, serotonin, and mu opiate receptors get depleted as fast as you work them. Not everyone can find god, you cant use guilt as a weapon and you can never say, well I did it, why cant you. Pep talks dont repair a damaged brain. ........ I consume an average of 2 grams heroin and 2 grams cocaine per day. I keep it at around 200 bucks a day. Im a pretty heavy drinker too and im only 25 on top of it. It took me almost 2 years to get this clean or where im at right now and im still cleaning up the mess left behind. Ill never be the same, Ill always be in pain, always be on methadone, klonopin, trazodone, depressed, tired, anxious, ive had nightmares everynight for as long as ive been clean, You can imagine what my arms look like, I cry at the drop of a hat and sure enough ill give in, if not tomorrow 4 years, 10 years from now, and there isnt anything I can do but hope for a miracle. I cheat from time to time, but I dont call it getting high, I call it getting normal. There's more to it than the lifestyle, & self-Centeredness.... That's all
CADE
A very rant post from someone who consumes a lot of cocaine who wants to quit. Consumption is a very big part of recovery and it's a very big part if you do recover or not. it's not always a "do you want to commit" issue. It's a can you commit? It's a "how much damage was done" issue. Dopamine, serotonin, and mu opiate receptors get depleted as fast as you work them. Not everyone can find god, you cant use guilt as a weapon and you can never say, well I did it, why cant you. Pep talks dont repair a damaged brain. ........ I consume an average of 2 grams heroin and 2 grams cocaine per day. I keep it at around 200 bucks a day. Im a pretty heavy drinker too and im only 25 on top of it. It took me almost 2 years to get this clean or where im at right now and im still cleaning up the mess left behind. Ill never be the same, Ill always be in pain, always be on methadone, klonopin, trazodone, depressed, tired, anxious, ive had nightmares everynight for as long as ive been clean, You can imagine what my arms look like, I cry at the drop of a hat and sure enough ill give in, if not tomorrow 4 years, 10 years from now, and there isnt anything I can do but hope for a miracle. I cheat from time to time, but I dont call it getting high, I call it getting normal. There's more to it than the lifestyle, & self-Centeredness.... That's all
CADE