10th January 2008
Hi Guys
Was just reading some threads and thinking. When I detoxed from Oxycodone and then Xanax, it was a long, long and slow taper that I chose. Took about ten months to finish taking the drugs and then a few more to really level out from the symptoms of withdrawal. I moved into sober thinking as I progressed in the taper. My thinking changed about drugs tremendously as I worked through the taper. At the end of the taper, I so did not want drugs of any kind. At points I was even bucking taking Toprol Xl, which I take after a heart attack. Eventually, that thinking changed also and I recognize and accept that I need to stay on that. Now, I believe my thinking about medicine in general is balanced and I am moving on well in life.
As I read some of my friends stories here, I see how the cravings, the thinking about the opiates, is still consuming for some. I, too, was consumed about the drugs during the taper. Not so much with craving, but consumed with doses, cuts, reactions to the cuts, progress, wishing for it to be finally over with. When the time came that it was finally over with tapering and I realized that I had taken my last dose, it was kind of anti-climatic for me. No more need to think about when and how much on the next dose. Just plodding through the lingering of the aftermath symptoms. My thoughts turned to sleep as that was still a big issue. I would have thoughts cross my mind many times during the day concerning, ( and concerned about) sleep that night. Then, finally, the sleep came. All the goals had been reached that I so wanted. So what do we do when the goals are finally reached?
We move on in our lives.
Part of that moving on is accepting that we are once again in the realm of 'normal' life. It is boring a lot of times. Work, family duties, just everyday life. Happiness and joy are waiting fore us again, but there is definitely a need to recognize that the excitement ( yes, I do believe that detox creates a certain excitement in us.. a real sense of fighting for a goal), fades. For me, there is calm joy in my life... joy spending time with my family and friends, 'mundane' happiness in going about the simplest of tasks in my life, but always aware that now I can go about my daily business of living. Cook a supper, vacuum, go to a store. These things were overwhelming burdens just a year or so ago... now they are markers of a life being lived.
Moving into sober thinking happens, I believe, as we change old habits into new, or long-forgotten, habits. It is a plodding along progression that takes time and work. We can truly become works in progress if we allow ourselves to see past the reaching of the goal to detox. We have not reached an end to our progress when we reach the completion of detox, we have reached a stepping off point of beginning to relearn how to live in a peaceful, probably fairly mundane, life. There is nothing wrong with mundane! It is what most of us prayed fervently for when we started! If you are feeling a bit lost now that detox had been completed, please relax about the concern. Recognize that you have, indeed, met a goal that was a big struggle to meet and that it does take time and plodding along for the mindset to catch up with what we have accomplished with the body. This is where the whole thing about it taking a good year or so to really heal comes in.
At the moment I am thinking in the forefront of my mind of Meddguy and Winnie. I really like Meddguy's approach to having various 'nights' in his life now. No TV nights, family nights, etc. He has changed and moved into some new habits to avoid some of his trigger areas. As he continues to reinforce these new habits, they are going to become automatic. His thinking is being redirected from 'drug opportunities' to mundane, but enjoyable, everyday activities. Consistent effort to keep redirecting his thoughts will lead to changed thinking. At first, I am sure he was very conscious of why there is no TV, why there is a specific family night, but this consciousness will fade into routine. Winnie, I think you are at a bit of a standstill... perhaps feeling like, "Okay, I detoxed, what is supposed to happen next that is so great?" The truth is that what happens is life, everyday life. We keep practicing what we learned from our struggle to get detoxed and relearn how to live without the fake excitement of the drugs and all they entailed in our lives. We learn to go about our daily business and spend some free time interacting and impacting the world from our tiny corner of it. We move out from our isolation in the drugs to participating not only in our lives, but in the lives of those around us, in positive ways. We leave a life of oblivion and move into a life where we, little by little, appreciate the simple things of life and know that life in its simplest forms is good.
Well, anyway, I just so don't want anyone to give up hope and feel that the struggle is going to be harsh for the rest of our lives. If you are plodding right now, keep on plodding. Time will pass and little skips will start happening and eventually thre plodding is over and we are walking, and even running, in life again.
From the berry patch
reach
Was just reading some threads and thinking. When I detoxed from Oxycodone and then Xanax, it was a long, long and slow taper that I chose. Took about ten months to finish taking the drugs and then a few more to really level out from the symptoms of withdrawal. I moved into sober thinking as I progressed in the taper. My thinking changed about drugs tremendously as I worked through the taper. At the end of the taper, I so did not want drugs of any kind. At points I was even bucking taking Toprol Xl, which I take after a heart attack. Eventually, that thinking changed also and I recognize and accept that I need to stay on that. Now, I believe my thinking about medicine in general is balanced and I am moving on well in life.
As I read some of my friends stories here, I see how the cravings, the thinking about the opiates, is still consuming for some. I, too, was consumed about the drugs during the taper. Not so much with craving, but consumed with doses, cuts, reactions to the cuts, progress, wishing for it to be finally over with. When the time came that it was finally over with tapering and I realized that I had taken my last dose, it was kind of anti-climatic for me. No more need to think about when and how much on the next dose. Just plodding through the lingering of the aftermath symptoms. My thoughts turned to sleep as that was still a big issue. I would have thoughts cross my mind many times during the day concerning, ( and concerned about) sleep that night. Then, finally, the sleep came. All the goals had been reached that I so wanted. So what do we do when the goals are finally reached?
We move on in our lives.
Part of that moving on is accepting that we are once again in the realm of 'normal' life. It is boring a lot of times. Work, family duties, just everyday life. Happiness and joy are waiting fore us again, but there is definitely a need to recognize that the excitement ( yes, I do believe that detox creates a certain excitement in us.. a real sense of fighting for a goal), fades. For me, there is calm joy in my life... joy spending time with my family and friends, 'mundane' happiness in going about the simplest of tasks in my life, but always aware that now I can go about my daily business of living. Cook a supper, vacuum, go to a store. These things were overwhelming burdens just a year or so ago... now they are markers of a life being lived.
Moving into sober thinking happens, I believe, as we change old habits into new, or long-forgotten, habits. It is a plodding along progression that takes time and work. We can truly become works in progress if we allow ourselves to see past the reaching of the goal to detox. We have not reached an end to our progress when we reach the completion of detox, we have reached a stepping off point of beginning to relearn how to live in a peaceful, probably fairly mundane, life. There is nothing wrong with mundane! It is what most of us prayed fervently for when we started! If you are feeling a bit lost now that detox had been completed, please relax about the concern. Recognize that you have, indeed, met a goal that was a big struggle to meet and that it does take time and plodding along for the mindset to catch up with what we have accomplished with the body. This is where the whole thing about it taking a good year or so to really heal comes in.
At the moment I am thinking in the forefront of my mind of Meddguy and Winnie. I really like Meddguy's approach to having various 'nights' in his life now. No TV nights, family nights, etc. He has changed and moved into some new habits to avoid some of his trigger areas. As he continues to reinforce these new habits, they are going to become automatic. His thinking is being redirected from 'drug opportunities' to mundane, but enjoyable, everyday activities. Consistent effort to keep redirecting his thoughts will lead to changed thinking. At first, I am sure he was very conscious of why there is no TV, why there is a specific family night, but this consciousness will fade into routine. Winnie, I think you are at a bit of a standstill... perhaps feeling like, "Okay, I detoxed, what is supposed to happen next that is so great?" The truth is that what happens is life, everyday life. We keep practicing what we learned from our struggle to get detoxed and relearn how to live without the fake excitement of the drugs and all they entailed in our lives. We learn to go about our daily business and spend some free time interacting and impacting the world from our tiny corner of it. We move out from our isolation in the drugs to participating not only in our lives, but in the lives of those around us, in positive ways. We leave a life of oblivion and move into a life where we, little by little, appreciate the simple things of life and know that life in its simplest forms is good.
Well, anyway, I just so don't want anyone to give up hope and feel that the struggle is going to be harsh for the rest of our lives. If you are plodding right now, keep on plodding. Time will pass and little skips will start happening and eventually thre plodding is over and we are walking, and even running, in life again.
From the berry patch
reach