Wel, I still am not doing well at staying clean. And an incident that happened the other night really scared me. I had taken a bunch of Soma and klonopin, and my coordination and judgement were both completey shot. My husband knew that I'd taken a load of pills )he eventually counted them), and was predictably angry. He kept yelling at me to stay in bed, I kept getting up, I kept falling. The worse was a fal (or two?) in the bathroom where I seriously banged up my head. No brokes, just a lot of swelling and bruising. Like I really needed another head injury. He was absolutely furious with me, and I was actually afraid he'd leave.

And the worst part of it is that e doesn't even know about the fentanyl, which I've not been good about at all. I even periodcally shoot it or morphine, and everytime, I hate myself for it.

I want out. Even death seems preferable to thiss existance

Yeah, I'm way down on 12-step programs; does anyone have anything to offer?

Thanks,

Rain