26th December 2007
Hi Everyone,
Those who have been visiting this forum for the greater part of the past year may remember me and my story. Back then, I used the name "Coder" and went through a detox off hydrocodone, darvocet and Soma.
Well, that was in the period from March through May. It is now the end of December and I am at a crucial crossroads. As is the case with so many others, my 2 year addiction started as the result of Pain Management gone wrong. I had a cervical spinal surgery in February of 2005 and though the surgeon claims that "structurally speaking" things look good, I never did receiv any pain relief. Eventually, I was referred on to a pain management doctor who did all sorts of things ranging from epidural injections to radiofrequency. Still, I was in continuous agonizing pain if I did not take narcotic pain medicine.
In the spring of this year, I knew that I had crossed the line from physical dependency to addiction, finding myself getting up in the middle of the night to take a pill not for pain, but to hold withdrawals at bay. So I quit my pain doctor and had my primary care doc get me off of everything.
I know the body will do all sorts of trickery to get you to take another dose of opiate. So, I knew that I would have to stay clean for a considerable length of time in order to see what level of "real" pain my body was experiencing.
Here it is December and my life is one of constant misery. My thoracic spinal area throbs continuosly. I find myself lying on the hard floor several times throughout the day to get a small measure of relief (even at work). I pop advil and other OTC pain meds (always being sure to keep that tylenol mgs under 4,000 a day) but get minimal relief.
I have an appointment for tomorrow to see my primary care doctor and I am truly tempted to ask her to put me back on the narcotic pain meds. The quality of life I am experiencing with such severe pain is horrible. So I am stuck in a terrible quandry....ie..do I remain relatively pain-free but hopelessly addicted....or do I remain opiate-free, but in a state of miserable pain? I feel like I am in a no-win scenario, and am getting severely depressed over this.
A week ago, a co-worker saw I was in terrible pain and she gave me two hydros. This was the first afternoon in months that I felt a sense of relief from the severe pain. But, I have been paying the consequenxes of just that single dose for the past several days. I have felt that old familiar withdrawal sensations of chills and simultaneous sweats, impaired ability to sleep and slight agitation. So, I know the addiction is right there under the surface.
What do I do? I feel so hopeless right now.....
Lou
Those who have been visiting this forum for the greater part of the past year may remember me and my story. Back then, I used the name "Coder" and went through a detox off hydrocodone, darvocet and Soma.
Well, that was in the period from March through May. It is now the end of December and I am at a crucial crossroads. As is the case with so many others, my 2 year addiction started as the result of Pain Management gone wrong. I had a cervical spinal surgery in February of 2005 and though the surgeon claims that "structurally speaking" things look good, I never did receiv any pain relief. Eventually, I was referred on to a pain management doctor who did all sorts of things ranging from epidural injections to radiofrequency. Still, I was in continuous agonizing pain if I did not take narcotic pain medicine.
In the spring of this year, I knew that I had crossed the line from physical dependency to addiction, finding myself getting up in the middle of the night to take a pill not for pain, but to hold withdrawals at bay. So I quit my pain doctor and had my primary care doc get me off of everything.
I know the body will do all sorts of trickery to get you to take another dose of opiate. So, I knew that I would have to stay clean for a considerable length of time in order to see what level of "real" pain my body was experiencing.
Here it is December and my life is one of constant misery. My thoracic spinal area throbs continuosly. I find myself lying on the hard floor several times throughout the day to get a small measure of relief (even at work). I pop advil and other OTC pain meds (always being sure to keep that tylenol mgs under 4,000 a day) but get minimal relief.
I have an appointment for tomorrow to see my primary care doctor and I am truly tempted to ask her to put me back on the narcotic pain meds. The quality of life I am experiencing with such severe pain is horrible. So I am stuck in a terrible quandry....ie..do I remain relatively pain-free but hopelessly addicted....or do I remain opiate-free, but in a state of miserable pain? I feel like I am in a no-win scenario, and am getting severely depressed over this.
A week ago, a co-worker saw I was in terrible pain and she gave me two hydros. This was the first afternoon in months that I felt a sense of relief from the severe pain. But, I have been paying the consequenxes of just that single dose for the past several days. I have felt that old familiar withdrawal sensations of chills and simultaneous sweats, impaired ability to sleep and slight agitation. So, I know the addiction is right there under the surface.
What do I do? I feel so hopeless right now.....
Lou