Hi guys, and thanks for your replies. I'm not doing very well tapering off the Hydrocodone, my dr. is weaning me off too fast I think. He cut me from, let's say 9 a day down to 6 all at once, told me to take 6 for 2 days, then 5 for 2 days, then 4 for 2 days, and I just think it's too fast like that. I'm not sleeping much at all, and when I do, it's very restless sleep, and I don't sleep very long, and my legs hurt so bad!!! Then, right after I get through with the Hydro w/d, he's going to wean me off all that Xanax, and I dread that, as I've gone through benzo w/d before and it was hell. I'm so scared that I almost want to stay on the pills rather than go through withdrawal, but I'm just so sick and tired of feeling bad all the time that I know I have to do it. There have been nights that I had trouble breathing while falling asleep. There have been many nights that I'd take 10 mgs. of Xanax, 3 Hydrocodone and 2 Skelaxin all at once. Those nights were bad, and I'd wonder if I'd even wake up the next morning. The mental cravings are bad right now too. I've been taking 2 at a time for about 4 days now, and I talked my husband into letting me have another 2 last night, about an hour after I took the first two.
I'm so scared, and I don't have any support system around me, husband is more concerned about what's for dinner and how early he can get to bed at night, I don't have any friends here, however, I did find an NA meeting and I'm going to go tonight. That's going to be hard too, because I haven't been to one in years, my ex-fiancee and I used to go to them together, he was the love of my life, but because of my catching him smoking marijuana when we'd both just gotten out of treatment, I dumped him. He eventually started dating this woman, who everybody knew was no good for him at all, I won't go into all the details, but he'd constantly kick her out and we'd get back together, that went on for 11 and a half years, and I just loved him so much. I always held out hope that eventually he'd get rid of her for good, but I knew that he was scared of her, she'd threatened to kill both of us, so he kept taking her back. Well, last Christmas, he told her to get lost again, and instead of leaving him, she murdered him. So walking into an NA meeting is going to bring back so many memories, and that's going to hurt. But it's what he'd want me to do if he were here, and I'm going to go ahead and do it. I can't believe this has happened, I can't believe I blew 14 years of sobriety, I was so proud of that.
Well, I'm rambling, I tend to do that when I'm scared, and I'm sorry. Would it be okay to post here if I have too much trouble? I hate being a burden on people.
Again, thank you for your replies, and I wish all of you good luck in your journey towards recovery.

In His love,
Melanie