3rd February 2003
Hi Mandie!!..You sound better each time I get a note...really you do. First off, let me say that I didnt want you to think I was considering you "selfish" or "self centered". I only wanted to let you know that I understood why you were this way and it was a sign to me how ill you were. I get like that when I'm "on the edge" and all I can think or talk to anyone about is me and what I'm feeling or going through. I completely understand and in no way am I judging you. It's the nature of anxiety to turn inward on yourself. That might even be in Claire Weekes's book as well...I've read so many!!...
When I'm nervously ill...(I'm to a degree anxious all the time, but not what you would call ill..) I tend to want to be WITH people, so I'm the opposite of you there. I'm very comfortable in my own company and I'm a loner so when I start having a hard time being on my own...I know I'm sick. That's not to say I dont understand your reasoning...I do. I can understand the "limiting" of life because for years I suffered with IBS and there were lots of things I couldnt do like normal people. Like eat a meal and then shop without running to a bathroom...Or travel, travel is very hard for me, it makes me anxious besides always having to worry about a "bathroom". So yes, I've had to adjust my life because of anxiety and I can understand you're doing that, too. I do believe as you feel better, you will want to go out with friends again and want your life back...Just like I get comfortable with being alone again when I feel better. Understand this is a slow process. It takes time to get this ill and it takes time to get well. That's "letting time pass". Harder to do than it sounds...haha..
My Mom was the same when I got sick the first time. It was "buck up and get better" or "think of others worse off than you are". Well, I'm here to tell you and you already know...that DOES NOT work. The fact that others suffer worse things than anxiety is a fact, but doesnt do a THING to make ME feel better. So yes, I can relate to that too....very well.
Yes, a therapist would probably help me, but I dont drive so it's more stress just to get to the office of one, so I dont try to go. I just take care of myself and see my Dr..or I did when I had him. But he never knew all my trouble and fears...he helped me with the meds. But I'm diferent from you there too, I can spill my guts as long as they listen...I can talk their ear off and tell them my whole life if they will listen. I have myself about all analyzed..hahaha...So I dont have trouble talking to the Dr...but I have a friend like you that doesnt like talking to them about her anxiety. The looking at the watch and ending a session is something you just get used to...Mine were only a half hour..so I had to get a lot said in a little time!!
Right now the only thing I take is Xanax...I tried BuSpar and it did nothing. Serzone cured my depression some years back with no side effects at all...but it doesnt do a thing for my anxiety. I was taking .25mgs 3 times a day and was down to 2 at times, but then I lost my kitty and I had to go back to high doses to get through that...Thank goodness I had it...I thought the pain would kill me for several weeks. This pain is still new...I have been taking .50mg to sleep and none in the day, but my stomach has acted up recently and I find the Xanax helps it...so it, too, must be anxiety related...I was fine before my husband started his business, I lost my Dr, and my beloved kitty died. So my "pains" are more external, things happening to me to cause me stress and thus cause physical symptoms...Are there painful things going on in your life now that might be causing you stress and thus making your body ill? I wish you luck at the Drs tomorrow and hope she can help you...Tell her your troubles with meds and bad reactions and let her decide if she might have a new one that might help you...
No, I dont go to any other sites. I dont even remember how I found this one. I was just looking for reassurance for myself and thought that maybe since I had suffered all these years I could put it to use and help someone else. And I've helped you, and that's so great!...I think you asked me if I lived in West Virginia and indeed I do. I'm a native and like it very much except for the weather. It really stinks!!...
Well, I hope I didnt miss anything...I referred to your last note and tried to cover all the topics, but if I miss something dont be afraid to mention it again...I'm not a fast typer and it takes me awhile to get this all said.. :)...Please dont feel badly about talking about yourself...You're the one we need to concentrate on and get back on track...I'm hanging in there..and you DO help me...so dont you add that to your worries!!...Hope your evening is better than last night..I'm feeling better today....It's a day to day thing with us..and we just need to learn how to make most of them good!!....Take care, Kathy
When I'm nervously ill...(I'm to a degree anxious all the time, but not what you would call ill..) I tend to want to be WITH people, so I'm the opposite of you there. I'm very comfortable in my own company and I'm a loner so when I start having a hard time being on my own...I know I'm sick. That's not to say I dont understand your reasoning...I do. I can understand the "limiting" of life because for years I suffered with IBS and there were lots of things I couldnt do like normal people. Like eat a meal and then shop without running to a bathroom...Or travel, travel is very hard for me, it makes me anxious besides always having to worry about a "bathroom". So yes, I've had to adjust my life because of anxiety and I can understand you're doing that, too. I do believe as you feel better, you will want to go out with friends again and want your life back...Just like I get comfortable with being alone again when I feel better. Understand this is a slow process. It takes time to get this ill and it takes time to get well. That's "letting time pass". Harder to do than it sounds...haha..
My Mom was the same when I got sick the first time. It was "buck up and get better" or "think of others worse off than you are". Well, I'm here to tell you and you already know...that DOES NOT work. The fact that others suffer worse things than anxiety is a fact, but doesnt do a THING to make ME feel better. So yes, I can relate to that too....very well.
Yes, a therapist would probably help me, but I dont drive so it's more stress just to get to the office of one, so I dont try to go. I just take care of myself and see my Dr..or I did when I had him. But he never knew all my trouble and fears...he helped me with the meds. But I'm diferent from you there too, I can spill my guts as long as they listen...I can talk their ear off and tell them my whole life if they will listen. I have myself about all analyzed..hahaha...So I dont have trouble talking to the Dr...but I have a friend like you that doesnt like talking to them about her anxiety. The looking at the watch and ending a session is something you just get used to...Mine were only a half hour..so I had to get a lot said in a little time!!
Right now the only thing I take is Xanax...I tried BuSpar and it did nothing. Serzone cured my depression some years back with no side effects at all...but it doesnt do a thing for my anxiety. I was taking .25mgs 3 times a day and was down to 2 at times, but then I lost my kitty and I had to go back to high doses to get through that...Thank goodness I had it...I thought the pain would kill me for several weeks. This pain is still new...I have been taking .50mg to sleep and none in the day, but my stomach has acted up recently and I find the Xanax helps it...so it, too, must be anxiety related...I was fine before my husband started his business, I lost my Dr, and my beloved kitty died. So my "pains" are more external, things happening to me to cause me stress and thus cause physical symptoms...Are there painful things going on in your life now that might be causing you stress and thus making your body ill? I wish you luck at the Drs tomorrow and hope she can help you...Tell her your troubles with meds and bad reactions and let her decide if she might have a new one that might help you...
No, I dont go to any other sites. I dont even remember how I found this one. I was just looking for reassurance for myself and thought that maybe since I had suffered all these years I could put it to use and help someone else. And I've helped you, and that's so great!...I think you asked me if I lived in West Virginia and indeed I do. I'm a native and like it very much except for the weather. It really stinks!!...
Well, I hope I didnt miss anything...I referred to your last note and tried to cover all the topics, but if I miss something dont be afraid to mention it again...I'm not a fast typer and it takes me awhile to get this all said.. :)...Please dont feel badly about talking about yourself...You're the one we need to concentrate on and get back on track...I'm hanging in there..and you DO help me...so dont you add that to your worries!!...Hope your evening is better than last night..I'm feeling better today....It's a day to day thing with us..and we just need to learn how to make most of them good!!....Take care, Kathy