Mandie...Yes, I understand...As you tell me more about yourself I can see why you're in the place you're in. We have a bit in common...I had my first nervous breakdown right after my husband suffered a depression. He was suicidal and I had a 2 year old, too. I, too, had to "be strong". Being strong for them, though, led to my breakdown and my diagnsis with GAD. I havent had the health problems you've had, though. I can see how the combination of real and fear induced illness could get frustrating and confusing. Unfortunately, I don't really know how to help you sort it out. I can just be here to talk to....

I can really understand the suffering in the loss of your larger home and business as well. I mentioned how scary it is with my husband starting his up now. Before we moved to out home here, I had lived in my home town. We had a big, three story post Victorian home...it was cheaper to live there and we could have that kind of house. It was MY house. It's a long story, but we moved here to a much smaller home, even though its more expensive...and I have never learned to like it. I was so homesick I suffered my second breakdown, this time with depression...about 7 years ago...I climbed out of that one with the help of a wonderful physician's assitant and Serzone. So you see why I can understand you, really frustrating not to know how to help more...And IBS..I suffered with that most of my life....I seem to have cleared that up taking flax seed oil capsules...not sure how that helped, but it seems to have. But I know what it's like to live with that as well.

You seem to have gotten to a point close to a breakdown here...Seems to me you're going to have to find some Dr someplace that can understand this "anxiety thing" you're trapped in. You need to get your mind calm, so you can think rationally...and I know how hard that can be...I'm hoping really hard your new psychiatrist will be that Dr...Kathy

Kathy we sure have a lot in common, unfortunatlely for both of us. I know that you do understand what I am going thru and I feel so happy to be able to talk to you. I do feel kinda awkward crying my eyes out to you on a this webcite, due to the many problems of others as well and the need for them to talk as well. I wish that there was a way to communicate more privately, but that is not permitted here. I feel lucky that I have you and others as well that feel compasssionate enough to answer my crys of help. I am nt sure if what I am going thru is a nervous breakdown or not- I just don't know the true signs even thou it sure feels like a I am breaking down all the time. I try to wear a mask for my children and family so that they don't worry too much. It is getting so hard for me to do this, and this is why I am so isolated, so that I don't get exhausted trying to be something I am not right now. We have many family functions that we enjoy, and I can not ruin this for them- so I go to them and put on a happy face for their sake. Again, it is so hard for me to do this because I am crying inside the whole time, but they can not know this or it will devestate their world. THe new dr. that I am seeing is a woman that basically dispenses drugs and does not do talk therapy. I have yet to find a phychiatrist that does this. I have a hard time with any of the meds- what is serzone? Is it an antidepressant. Is this what brought you out of the depression? Please tell me how you were when you had your nervous breakdown in order to give me some indication as to how far into it I am. Maybe I am having one and I am just too strong willed to let it disable me/ I guess that this might be a good thing. I don't know. Well, I am going to attempt to go to bed for the night ( and yes, I do crosswords too) and wake up to another day to get thru. I will look forward to talking to you tomorrow and anyone else as well. M

Good morning Mandie...I guess any of us who have anxiety have a lot in common. I, too, wish there was a way for us to talk "closer", but maybe something we say here to each other will help someone else as well.

I didnt realize I was having a nervous breakdown the first time. After I was more educated I realized I'd had a rather mild one. Remember I was having all these symptoms and I didnt know what was wrong with me. I got to the point I wasnt able to sleep well and I went to the emergency room. I was scared to death and thought I was going crazy. I saw my gynecologist and he told me I was a "text book anxiety case". Well, it had a name and others had it!!...I then was in treatment with my psychiatrist for around 3 years. I kind of define a "nervous breakdown" as when you cant go about your normal daily activities or sleep at night...you just kind of "crash". You wouldnt be able to function and go to work..the anxiety is all consuming. That's why it's important to get the help you need before you reach that point.

The second time I had insomnia brought on by depression and anxiety. Once again I ended up at a Dr's a little too late. She was a wonderful physican's assistant who suffered form panic attacks and knew right away I was depressed. Oddly enough, I hadnt figured that out, but I knew she was right when she told me. She put me on the Serzone, which was a new drug then and it was for depression...I took it for 3 years or so and it brought me out and worked beautifully...no side effects. It doesn't help the anxiety, though, that's a different story.

What you need is someone like her that understands. Someone you can talk to...Someone who can teach you a different way to "think". We with a anxiety get in a pattern of thinking and we need to find a new way to "think" and not automatically go into our old patterns of fear and negative thinking. Right now I'm just quoting books...I haven't been able to do this myself, but I try. Did you get the name of the book I suggested in some back posts?...It was really a great one...she really made sense...If you didnt get it I can give it to you again. Must go eat breakfast now...Hope it goes well for you at the Dr's today...Maybe he could refer you?...Doesnt have to be a Dr...a therapist or a nurse would do....they just have to UNDERSTAND...Kathy