Thank you so much for being here for me Maggie, Reach, Michelle....all. I know none of us have met, but I feel like I know you all in one sense or another.....I relate to so much of what each of you have said in your different posts on this board. Words of wisdom, support and hope. I really need that right now. I'm really struggling with whether to go to another NA meeting or not. I don't want to lie when people ask where I've been - and they will, I'm sure. Yet, I don't know that I'm ready to share this experience with them. I would hope that they would not judge me, but I've seen already, in the short time that I went to the meetings, that some people can be very childish and mean. I haven't chosen a sponsor, because I don't feel I know anyone well enough to make that choice yet. Everyone who's spoken to me about finding a sponsor has a different opinion. Mostly the men seem to be of the school of thought that you need to get a sponsor right away. The women mostly tell me that it took them 2-3 months to get a sponsor. I'm not making the decision as to whether to go back yet or not. I just want to get through the day. It has been difficult. My body doesn't always want to do what my mind tells it to, I feel lethargic and slow, just not a lot of energy. Sometimes my mind doesn't want to work as fast as it used to. I find ordinary thought processes so hard to make at times. I am really trying to stay positive and focused on not slipping back to the way I felt last Wednesday, but these are facts and realities of withdrawals, which seem to be going on forever...........:(

I am going to try Seroquel again, but am going to take it tonight rather than in the morning as my Dr. told me to. He is no longer treating my depression as he is my regular physician and obviously doesn't know how Seroquel works or he would have told me to take it at night, which seems to be what everyone taking it does. Bless my Dr., he is awesome - he really tried to help me, but now I have a psychiatrist who I need to go see. I'm afraid of how I will respond to the Seroquel, but I have it and I need to try. I obviously need something. If that doesn't work, I will ask for Lexapro.

I sent out about 5 resumes today and ran some errands, as hard as it was - but I did it and came home and got some rest. I need to be working by the end of next week, if not sooner. Please say lots of prayers......I need a break right now. The job market in this area is so competetive right now, I've never, ever had this much difficulty obtaining employment.

I hope you are all doing well......Maggie, I am so happy to hear about your taper and that you've come this far!!!! You will do it, I just know!! :angel:

Thank you for letting me ramble - I do really appreciate you guys!!!!!

Gotta go take my Seroquel.......wish me luck!! Maybe it will be my magic pill that I've been searching for.

Love to all - Goodnight :yawn: