27th April 2005
Hi Nawty,
We definitely have more in common than just our names.....I don't want to say that my addiction is any less than anyone else's, but I was taking Darvon 65 oh, about 10-15 per day for abut 3 years. I would just like to give you something to consider. I truly believe that the pure anxiety of not having them creates a false withdrawl or makes them a lot worse than they are. I remember teetering for about 6-8 months on quitting because I could really start seeing changes in my appearance that were not flattering. Also, seeing what it was doing to my husband. He was my enabler for a very long time, and I blamed and started to resent him. I now realize that he loves me very much, but just didn't know what to do. I put myself in his shoes and those shoes I would never want to be in .....I actually think I may have done the same thing. It's very difficult on any relationship. You dont want to see someone you love suffer, but regardless I had to take full responsibility for what I was doing. I took a long time, but like I said....when I started really looking in the mirror and not recognizing who was staring back at me, and making the two hour drive every 3-4 weeks to mexico, and standing In the pharmacy ---it finally got to the point that I felt so low and degraded. I was easily paying this so called pharmacist's rent or morgage every month. I couldnt function, think or run my business productivly anymore. I was making a lot of errors and embarassing myself and my husband too many of our clients. It made me so sad the way he would have to cover for me--I't just finally began to eat me up. I am on my 9th day cold turkey.......somtimes it seems worse than day 3,4,5, or six, but I can see clearly now and it not drug so much but the anxiety ...I had a certain ritual everyday when I would self-administer and thats really hard ..the just plain habit, so at those times I will pop a valium or an advil just to recreate the habit of popping that pill. The sleeping issue is absolutely the worse. I got something called seroquel.......non-narcotic and I sleep wonderfully. Stay strong Nawty and try the hot bath or showers...they really do wonders. Try to not let the anxiety of whats gonna happen before it even happens....I know easier said then done, but it's also ok to just break down.....sometimes I just crawl into bed and just cry and rock myself into a somewhat state of relaxation and It passes. We are all different on how we handle this, but I wish you all the best--be strong--this may sound kinda stupid, but pick up a pillow and swing it or hit something imagining yourself beating the w/d's out of your system......I promise you will feel better.
God bless you, hun.
Veronica.......
P.S. My day of revelation was the day my husband said he couldn't take it anymore, and that he couldn't stand to watch me slip away right before his eye's. I hit the floor and cried and looked up at him and said "I dont think I can do it, my pills are my life my only friend and comfort" When I heard myself and pulled myself together. That was my day of revelation. Sooo Sad.
We definitely have more in common than just our names.....I don't want to say that my addiction is any less than anyone else's, but I was taking Darvon 65 oh, about 10-15 per day for abut 3 years. I would just like to give you something to consider. I truly believe that the pure anxiety of not having them creates a false withdrawl or makes them a lot worse than they are. I remember teetering for about 6-8 months on quitting because I could really start seeing changes in my appearance that were not flattering. Also, seeing what it was doing to my husband. He was my enabler for a very long time, and I blamed and started to resent him. I now realize that he loves me very much, but just didn't know what to do. I put myself in his shoes and those shoes I would never want to be in .....I actually think I may have done the same thing. It's very difficult on any relationship. You dont want to see someone you love suffer, but regardless I had to take full responsibility for what I was doing. I took a long time, but like I said....when I started really looking in the mirror and not recognizing who was staring back at me, and making the two hour drive every 3-4 weeks to mexico, and standing In the pharmacy ---it finally got to the point that I felt so low and degraded. I was easily paying this so called pharmacist's rent or morgage every month. I couldnt function, think or run my business productivly anymore. I was making a lot of errors and embarassing myself and my husband too many of our clients. It made me so sad the way he would have to cover for me--I't just finally began to eat me up. I am on my 9th day cold turkey.......somtimes it seems worse than day 3,4,5, or six, but I can see clearly now and it not drug so much but the anxiety ...I had a certain ritual everyday when I would self-administer and thats really hard ..the just plain habit, so at those times I will pop a valium or an advil just to recreate the habit of popping that pill. The sleeping issue is absolutely the worse. I got something called seroquel.......non-narcotic and I sleep wonderfully. Stay strong Nawty and try the hot bath or showers...they really do wonders. Try to not let the anxiety of whats gonna happen before it even happens....I know easier said then done, but it's also ok to just break down.....sometimes I just crawl into bed and just cry and rock myself into a somewhat state of relaxation and It passes. We are all different on how we handle this, but I wish you all the best--be strong--this may sound kinda stupid, but pick up a pillow and swing it or hit something imagining yourself beating the w/d's out of your system......I promise you will feel better.
God bless you, hun.
Veronica.......
P.S. My day of revelation was the day my husband said he couldn't take it anymore, and that he couldn't stand to watch me slip away right before his eye's. I hit the floor and cried and looked up at him and said "I dont think I can do it, my pills are my life my only friend and comfort" When I heard myself and pulled myself together. That was my day of revelation. Sooo Sad.