30th September 2006
Good Evening All....A little about me, I'm very happily Married for 20 years with 2 teenagers, I first found pain pills when I had my wisdom teeth out 21 years ago, I never sought them out but when but was excited whenever I had to have them.
Probably 10 years later I started finding different was to obtain them. 4 years ago I broke my ankle and when it healed 2 months later I twisted it and had nerve damage it is called RSD. I went to a pain management specialist. It hurt but it was manageable, I had 10 sympathetic nerve blocks, but also a dr that prescribed pills, so for the last 16 months I went from 30mgs of percocet, a day, to 60 mgs a day, them went to 2 40mgs chewwd oxys every 8 hrs & 15mgs or Roxicet for break through pain. In the end i was up to 325mgs of pain pills a day
I thought i was fine, but everyone around me knew otherwise, My husband knew of the pills but no one else. I told my Dr. I wanted to get off the pills but he said I needed at least 6 more months. I knew I had to get off of the pills but just didn't know how, I had no more euphoria, I needed the pills just to function. so I started to taper with the help of my husband, I felt horrible body aches, twitching My body just wouldn't sit still, stomach cramping and the runs, but on the 3rd day I started to hallucinate I saw people and I knew it was crazy that no one was there but I could see them & they were horrible people. Thats when my husband brought me to the ER. They were shocked at the amount of meds this dr was prescribing me. Basically They helped wean me & I was in the hospitsl for 12 days & lost18 lbs which I didn't need to lose, I hve no memory of 3 days I even had a head CT scan and wouldn't have known except it was on my explation of benefits.
It will be 6 weeks tomorrow. Physically I feel so much better, not having to count my pills to make sure I wouldn't run out, if I did go out I'd have to make sure I had enough to get through the day. But mentally i am a mess my anxiety & depression are HORRIBLE, I told my family dr & he couldnt believe the pain dr prescribed all of those meds, He said how proud he was of me that I got off of the pills, he put me on a anti-depressant & xanax for the anxiety.
I know it will get better, but I just knew when that day was coming some days I don't even get out of bed ( And please don't tell me to go for walk) I haven't done much of anything for 6 weeks, and believe me I do try.
But really if I am doing this anyone can do this. Today I was thinking all I have to do is call my pain dr nd get my refills, and I know I will feel better, but it will be false sense. The cravings are really starting, but I have put my husband and family through so much I am choosing my family. I am not a person to go to meetings, I am lucky to have a family and about 10 friends that know what I'm going through. no one puts any damands on me they just give me encouragement. If you are still reading this thank you I Know it is vey long but I wanted you all know that with determination you can obtain any goal you want. Stop now I went from 30mgs to 325mgs I don't know what i was thinking. This is what bothers me eveyone says we take pills for a reason, I have no idea why? I really do have a wonderful life. I just want to feel better! I wish I could bottle this feeling and when I am tempted I just open it and I know I wouldn't be tempted anymore. Also when people tell me it's all in your head I'd give them the bottle they would shut up real fast! Thank you for letting me tell you a little bit about myself and what Im going thru.
Newbies and lurkers Please stop now before it gets out of control, I just want to wake up and feel happy, I feel as though I will never feel joy again.
Thank you for listening
Ladolcevita
Probably 10 years later I started finding different was to obtain them. 4 years ago I broke my ankle and when it healed 2 months later I twisted it and had nerve damage it is called RSD. I went to a pain management specialist. It hurt but it was manageable, I had 10 sympathetic nerve blocks, but also a dr that prescribed pills, so for the last 16 months I went from 30mgs of percocet, a day, to 60 mgs a day, them went to 2 40mgs chewwd oxys every 8 hrs & 15mgs or Roxicet for break through pain. In the end i was up to 325mgs of pain pills a day
I thought i was fine, but everyone around me knew otherwise, My husband knew of the pills but no one else. I told my Dr. I wanted to get off the pills but he said I needed at least 6 more months. I knew I had to get off of the pills but just didn't know how, I had no more euphoria, I needed the pills just to function. so I started to taper with the help of my husband, I felt horrible body aches, twitching My body just wouldn't sit still, stomach cramping and the runs, but on the 3rd day I started to hallucinate I saw people and I knew it was crazy that no one was there but I could see them & they were horrible people. Thats when my husband brought me to the ER. They were shocked at the amount of meds this dr was prescribing me. Basically They helped wean me & I was in the hospitsl for 12 days & lost18 lbs which I didn't need to lose, I hve no memory of 3 days I even had a head CT scan and wouldn't have known except it was on my explation of benefits.
It will be 6 weeks tomorrow. Physically I feel so much better, not having to count my pills to make sure I wouldn't run out, if I did go out I'd have to make sure I had enough to get through the day. But mentally i am a mess my anxiety & depression are HORRIBLE, I told my family dr & he couldnt believe the pain dr prescribed all of those meds, He said how proud he was of me that I got off of the pills, he put me on a anti-depressant & xanax for the anxiety.
I know it will get better, but I just knew when that day was coming some days I don't even get out of bed ( And please don't tell me to go for walk) I haven't done much of anything for 6 weeks, and believe me I do try.
But really if I am doing this anyone can do this. Today I was thinking all I have to do is call my pain dr nd get my refills, and I know I will feel better, but it will be false sense. The cravings are really starting, but I have put my husband and family through so much I am choosing my family. I am not a person to go to meetings, I am lucky to have a family and about 10 friends that know what I'm going through. no one puts any damands on me they just give me encouragement. If you are still reading this thank you I Know it is vey long but I wanted you all know that with determination you can obtain any goal you want. Stop now I went from 30mgs to 325mgs I don't know what i was thinking. This is what bothers me eveyone says we take pills for a reason, I have no idea why? I really do have a wonderful life. I just want to feel better! I wish I could bottle this feeling and when I am tempted I just open it and I know I wouldn't be tempted anymore. Also when people tell me it's all in your head I'd give them the bottle they would shut up real fast! Thank you for letting me tell you a little bit about myself and what Im going thru.
Newbies and lurkers Please stop now before it gets out of control, I just want to wake up and feel happy, I feel as though I will never feel joy again.
Thank you for listening
Ladolcevita