24th February 2008
Thunor,
It never fails to amaze me that people who set themselves up as helping professionals (psychiatrists, medical doctors, even veterinarians) have all the answers and inform you that you don't have a clue, even if you've been living with the situation for years, if not your whole life. Whatever "solution" they have to offer is not a solution if it doesn't fit you. And they won't know if their magic solution fits you or not until they listen to you. I hear your frustration. And anger.
Shortened version of my history: I was diagnosed in my mid 40's as having ADD, after my entire life of feeling like a failure. I had 3 months on Ritalin, during which time I felt like the world was open to me for the first time -- I felt like I might have a chance to learn to be something other than a failure. Then my husband and I moved to Germany 12 years ago. At that time, Ritalin was looked upon with suspicion in this country. Basically, I was told that Ritalin was addictive and that I would not be allowed to have another prescription. Over a year ago I couldn't take it any more and started asking around trying to find out if there existed a doctor anywhere who might prescribe Ritalin to a middle-aged lady. By that time my German language skills had improved to where I could get my point across, and I started tracking down the leads that were given to me. It took most of a year before I found someone who was willing to prescribe Ritalin for me.
You can read other posts of mine to read more of my story, but the main thing I want to emphasise is that sometimes it takes persistance and reminders from your significant other that you are on a journey to find the help that you need. Drugs may or may not be what you need, but being listened to certainly is. Everytime I came out of a doctors office in tears because it turned out after waiting months for an appointment that they didn't treat ADD or they didn't treat adults with ADD or they didn't prescribe Ritalin, my husband reminded me that we had taken one more step in the attempt to find help for me, even if that step was simply crossing off one more doctor from my list. It really helped that he kept reminding me of that.
One of the things I have become aware of in this journey is that, since many things have always been difficult for me, and my parents and school teachers continually reminded me that I was a failure and would never complete anything or amount to anything in my life, I came to believe this myself. So I have a habit of getting excited about starting things and then I have a snag in the works (even if it simply means that I can't finish a project today because it's too big) and I automatically get depressed and think that I'm a failure and never go back to the project. It was programmed into my small child brain that I was a failure, so that's all I knew how to be.
I am finally realizing that I am not a failure -- sometimes I have to be reminded of the successes that I have achieved -- only the failures registered in my brain but that doesn't mean that the successes don't exist! I have finally had access to Ritalin since June, and that has helped a great deal. As I said, drugs may or may not be of help to you. But being able to discuss other ways of dealing with things, within the description of how your brain is wired, will be of great help to you.
It is a human trait to categorize things, and to assume that everything fits into one of the categories that we know. Doctors have a great deal of power over the people sitting in front of them. If they happen to have already pegged you into a particular category, then nothing you say will convince them that you might either fit into a category that they haven't thought of, or that you might even be the unique person that you are, or that you even have anything of value to offer to the discussion. Yes, it is frustrating and angry-making to find that the doctor dismisses the fact that you have lived with yourself for your entire life, and they have just met you and therefore can't possibly know anything about you.
I am going to suggest to you the same thing that my husband said to me. This is a journey. You have started a journey to try to make some changes in your life. Just because you have run into some snags (ignorant arrogant know-it-all doctors) does not mean that you are a failure, or that you won't find another doctor who thinks that using his ears is at least as important as using his mouth. Please don't give up. HealthBoards is a great place to rant. We'll listen. And rant right back to you!
Welcome!
--Rheanna
It never fails to amaze me that people who set themselves up as helping professionals (psychiatrists, medical doctors, even veterinarians) have all the answers and inform you that you don't have a clue, even if you've been living with the situation for years, if not your whole life. Whatever "solution" they have to offer is not a solution if it doesn't fit you. And they won't know if their magic solution fits you or not until they listen to you. I hear your frustration. And anger.
Shortened version of my history: I was diagnosed in my mid 40's as having ADD, after my entire life of feeling like a failure. I had 3 months on Ritalin, during which time I felt like the world was open to me for the first time -- I felt like I might have a chance to learn to be something other than a failure. Then my husband and I moved to Germany 12 years ago. At that time, Ritalin was looked upon with suspicion in this country. Basically, I was told that Ritalin was addictive and that I would not be allowed to have another prescription. Over a year ago I couldn't take it any more and started asking around trying to find out if there existed a doctor anywhere who might prescribe Ritalin to a middle-aged lady. By that time my German language skills had improved to where I could get my point across, and I started tracking down the leads that were given to me. It took most of a year before I found someone who was willing to prescribe Ritalin for me.
You can read other posts of mine to read more of my story, but the main thing I want to emphasise is that sometimes it takes persistance and reminders from your significant other that you are on a journey to find the help that you need. Drugs may or may not be what you need, but being listened to certainly is. Everytime I came out of a doctors office in tears because it turned out after waiting months for an appointment that they didn't treat ADD or they didn't treat adults with ADD or they didn't prescribe Ritalin, my husband reminded me that we had taken one more step in the attempt to find help for me, even if that step was simply crossing off one more doctor from my list. It really helped that he kept reminding me of that.
One of the things I have become aware of in this journey is that, since many things have always been difficult for me, and my parents and school teachers continually reminded me that I was a failure and would never complete anything or amount to anything in my life, I came to believe this myself. So I have a habit of getting excited about starting things and then I have a snag in the works (even if it simply means that I can't finish a project today because it's too big) and I automatically get depressed and think that I'm a failure and never go back to the project. It was programmed into my small child brain that I was a failure, so that's all I knew how to be.
I am finally realizing that I am not a failure -- sometimes I have to be reminded of the successes that I have achieved -- only the failures registered in my brain but that doesn't mean that the successes don't exist! I have finally had access to Ritalin since June, and that has helped a great deal. As I said, drugs may or may not be of help to you. But being able to discuss other ways of dealing with things, within the description of how your brain is wired, will be of great help to you.
It is a human trait to categorize things, and to assume that everything fits into one of the categories that we know. Doctors have a great deal of power over the people sitting in front of them. If they happen to have already pegged you into a particular category, then nothing you say will convince them that you might either fit into a category that they haven't thought of, or that you might even be the unique person that you are, or that you even have anything of value to offer to the discussion. Yes, it is frustrating and angry-making to find that the doctor dismisses the fact that you have lived with yourself for your entire life, and they have just met you and therefore can't possibly know anything about you.
I am going to suggest to you the same thing that my husband said to me. This is a journey. You have started a journey to try to make some changes in your life. Just because you have run into some snags (ignorant arrogant know-it-all doctors) does not mean that you are a failure, or that you won't find another doctor who thinks that using his ears is at least as important as using his mouth. Please don't give up. HealthBoards is a great place to rant. We'll listen. And rant right back to you!
Welcome!
--Rheanna