14th January 2007
Remember when you 1st quit? Did those feelings last forever? NO. This wont either...dont think too much of it. Just keep going. I like the idea of what you said. I have been dreading having to get outta bed to bathe the kids, but you know what, YOU just gave me the hope to do it. I just have to tell myself that it only takes 30 minutes and then I can go back to bed.
I hate this feeling too~! But, I have prayed & prayed & prayed til I prayed my heart out. I think I will live. And I think you will too.
I live near 820 & 183, not too much ice, but I havent been out driving in a LONG time. Last I heard we might be getting the car back tomorrow. Paying 1/2 the cost of fuel pump and my car lot is replacing it. That will be GOOD news. Also, my husband is almost POSITIVE that we have the house. Just have to get details of monthly cost, etc. Have to buy a fridge & stove. It's a 3-2 and I need that for the girls. Now they are all in a room sharing and that isnt working out. lol
I prayed that God direct us in the way to go. If its in his will for us to have it, he will find a way. Also, this is something to call OURS. This is a house we can buy without all the credit issues to stress over.
I dont know what I will do if it turns out the OTHER way and we dont get it. But, I have to cross each bridge when I get to it. Kinda like what you said about the dishes. I cannot take on too much at one time.
The kids have been coop'd in house for 3 days and are driving me crazy. I even made them SLEEPYTIME tea last night to get them to relax. But, it had 2 b sweetned, which backfired!! Sux dont it??
ya know, Deb, we are BOTH doing the right thing for our kids. We have to be strong for them and for ourselves. They need us. Need our love, protection, guidance, etc. Imagine how we could guide them when we are high? Not too good I bet. I dont want to live that way anymore. I am tired of the girls coming up to me and asking questions and I am so high, I just want them to go away so I give them whatever answer I can think of. I just blurt it out without even THINKING about what they had said to me.
I want to hold their hands and calm their fears when they need me. I cannot say how many times that I wasnt there for them because all I cared about was myself. How I would go buy pills instead of a new DVD. Are my girls spoiled, well YES, but they could be much more spoiled! Thats what I have to think about. And I wonder if I start using again, will my husband eventually get tired of it and leave me? What will I do if he passes away? I HAVE TO BE STRONG BECAUSE LIFE IS GOING TO HAPPEN. Being on pills is NOT going to help me. It is not going to stop something BAD from happening, or stop someone from doing something I dont want them to do. living in my addiction is only going to stop ME from living. And I am tired of not living. I want to be NORMAL. I want the NORMAL things in life.
Take care of yourself, Deb. I am here if ya need me. Still breathing at day 5. Sure I am tired as hell, but I bet its because I havent moved around. Gotta make some changes in that department or I will be miserable. Gotta get moving and on that note, I am going to give the girls a bubble bath, put them to bed, take a LONG hot shower and see if I can sleep tonight without ANYTHING having to go into my mouth. The sleeping pills I have been taking, RESTORIL, the internet says it could take 3 weeks to become addicted to them. I dont want that. I have tossed around the thought of flushing those too. Addiction happens when you arent looking. I dont want my body to become accustomed to taking stuff to sleep, that would suck equally.
I hate this feeling too~! But, I have prayed & prayed & prayed til I prayed my heart out. I think I will live. And I think you will too.
I live near 820 & 183, not too much ice, but I havent been out driving in a LONG time. Last I heard we might be getting the car back tomorrow. Paying 1/2 the cost of fuel pump and my car lot is replacing it. That will be GOOD news. Also, my husband is almost POSITIVE that we have the house. Just have to get details of monthly cost, etc. Have to buy a fridge & stove. It's a 3-2 and I need that for the girls. Now they are all in a room sharing and that isnt working out. lol
I prayed that God direct us in the way to go. If its in his will for us to have it, he will find a way. Also, this is something to call OURS. This is a house we can buy without all the credit issues to stress over.
I dont know what I will do if it turns out the OTHER way and we dont get it. But, I have to cross each bridge when I get to it. Kinda like what you said about the dishes. I cannot take on too much at one time.
The kids have been coop'd in house for 3 days and are driving me crazy. I even made them SLEEPYTIME tea last night to get them to relax. But, it had 2 b sweetned, which backfired!! Sux dont it??
ya know, Deb, we are BOTH doing the right thing for our kids. We have to be strong for them and for ourselves. They need us. Need our love, protection, guidance, etc. Imagine how we could guide them when we are high? Not too good I bet. I dont want to live that way anymore. I am tired of the girls coming up to me and asking questions and I am so high, I just want them to go away so I give them whatever answer I can think of. I just blurt it out without even THINKING about what they had said to me.
I want to hold their hands and calm their fears when they need me. I cannot say how many times that I wasnt there for them because all I cared about was myself. How I would go buy pills instead of a new DVD. Are my girls spoiled, well YES, but they could be much more spoiled! Thats what I have to think about. And I wonder if I start using again, will my husband eventually get tired of it and leave me? What will I do if he passes away? I HAVE TO BE STRONG BECAUSE LIFE IS GOING TO HAPPEN. Being on pills is NOT going to help me. It is not going to stop something BAD from happening, or stop someone from doing something I dont want them to do. living in my addiction is only going to stop ME from living. And I am tired of not living. I want to be NORMAL. I want the NORMAL things in life.
Take care of yourself, Deb. I am here if ya need me. Still breathing at day 5. Sure I am tired as hell, but I bet its because I havent moved around. Gotta make some changes in that department or I will be miserable. Gotta get moving and on that note, I am going to give the girls a bubble bath, put them to bed, take a LONG hot shower and see if I can sleep tonight without ANYTHING having to go into my mouth. The sleeping pills I have been taking, RESTORIL, the internet says it could take 3 weeks to become addicted to them. I dont want that. I have tossed around the thought of flushing those too. Addiction happens when you arent looking. I dont want my body to become accustomed to taking stuff to sleep, that would suck equally.