Hey sooready! Thanks for asking about me...I think today was one of those days when you need to know you're not alone :( I did go to the dr. I got my injections, and found out work comp has approved my spinal nerve block, so that'll mean I won't need to depend on the meds as much for pain. I talked to my dr and told him I really wanted to get off the meds if possible, so what does he do...writes me a script for 180 lortabs, 180 soma and 60 restoril...unbelieveable!! yes, i got them filled but i've promised myself I won't "indulge". His reasoning...my nerve block is scheduled for Aug. 5th, and he said that for the first few days after the procedure I WILL need the pain meds. It's so frustrating - what do I have to do...stand up and scream "I'M AN ADDICT!!" in the middle of his waiting area?!? UGH!! The bf situation is not helping me either. I've done such horrible things...about 2 years ago, I didn't have cash to cover my dr appts and scripts (and was seeing more than one dr), so I wrote a BUNCH of bad checks on "our" account...bank closed account and even though I was the one that did it, it still affected his credit. I managed to hide all the bank stuff for a couple of months, and during that time, I started using our credit cards. They were in his name but I was an authorized user. I also hid the cc statements cause I didn't want him to know what I'd been doing - so now his/my credit is messed up since not only did I hide the statements, but I didn't have the money to make the monthly payments. We're not just talking about a couple of hundred dollars either :( We just got them paid off, but our credit is screwed. He couldn't even buy a piece of equipment he needed for his business a few weeks ago cause his credit is so bad...and it's not even his fault. I think the guilt is REALLY starting to get to me. i don't know how to deal with it. Yes, it is in the past, but it's still, and will for a couple of more years be there. It got so bad he even left for a week and just came back home 5 days ago. He *****es about everything nonstop...the pills, the credit, the house...It just makes me want to run to my "little friends" even more to escape. He says he's not trying to be an A$$**le, but not a day goes by he doesn't let me forget it. I hate for him to even come home, but I know I brought it all upon myself. Anyway, I've rambled long enough! Thanks for caring enough to ask... I swear, before I found this board and all of the people on it, I was having some pretty stupid thoughts, but you've all been a godsend to me :) Take care.
Stefanie