5th March 2007
I'm not writing this to scare you, but to share my own experience with a similar issue that resulted in a family members death due to failure to take their health seriously.
Your mom is like my grandmother. She was in her early seventies when she got sick and although she did have a doctor, she only saw her once in a blue moon and otherwise felt that doctors weren't all that necessary (she was into a lot of natural remedy stuff and had the idea that a doctors' best interest is not you, but your money). Her doctor is also a flake and in my opinion, utterly incompetent. Her first mistake was giving my grandmother a diagnoses of Diabetes and then prescribing her all sorts of medicine to help. The problem is that she gave my grandmother someone else's diagnoses and didn't catch the mistake until some time later! I guess the apology was sincere enough.
Around early December of 2005 she got sick and the problems had been going on for the greater half of the year, but she simply ignored them or shrugged them off as "nothing", "something I ate didn't agree with me", or "old age". Despite her overall good health (she was in excellent health for her age and had quit smoking and drinking when she was younger; she didn't look a day over 60), my mom knew something was wrong with her mother (call it a gut feeling). She was sure that all of the symptoms added up to a whole (cancer was her fear) and begged her mother to see her doctor, but was always met head-on with a defensive stance and/or a "why don't YOU see a doctor" retaliation. After a month of constant begging -sometimes to the point of tears- my grandmother finally did see her doctor and was given a diagnoses of Diabetes (this was her second one and it was accurate, but was only a small part of the problem). Afterwards, the doctor told my grandmother not to worry and that it was easily manageable, but my mother knew something was not right and kept on pressuring her mom to see a different doctor, but my grandmother would act like it didn't matter (it was basically "my doctor says nothing is wrong, so why should I listen to you?"). My mom was furious that my grandmother's doctor did not even order any scans nor did she really seem to take the complaints too seriously.
One day my grandmother gave in (I think to get my mom off her back). I overheard part of a conversation between her and my mom and it ended with my grandmother questioning that if she did have cancer, would it be getting worse due to her inaction (she was doubtful because no one in our family has had cancer). My mom said yes and on that very day she made her mother an appointment with her own doctor. Unfortunately my grandmother did have cancer and because she waited so long there was not much that could be done except to give her kemo to see if that could possibly prolong her life by a few months along with pain medicine (40mg Oxycontin) to make her more comfortable (she was in agonizing abdominal pain). It was estimated that w/out kemo she might only live for 1-2 months. Even with kemo, she only lasted 4 and died in April of 2006, a few days shy of my sisters birthday. My grandfather is really depressed now. He hasn't acted the same for the past year and he refuses to do a lot of things because it reminds him of her (all of their happiest moments are now sad and unbearable to remember).
The sad part is that when she noticed something was really wrong it was already too late. What's even more irritating is that if she had been getting routine check ups, the doctor is pretty sure that something would have been caught in the earlier stages and then early and aggressive treatment would definitely have helped. Unfortunately she had gallbladder cancer, which is rarely caught by itself until it has advanced and spread. When they found it, it was also in her liver, spleen, intestines, stomach, and lymph nodes, and was beginning to spread to her bones. It also turns out that the symptoms she had been getting were pretty much as described for gallbladder cancer. There's no guarantee that early detection would have saved her life, but because she waited and didn't bother to see a doctor when it started, we'll never know what could have happened.
This has made my mom really serious about yearly checkups and taking even the smallest of problems very seriously. I already see a lot of doctors and get a lot of checkups because I was born with a bone disease and often have problems with something. Maybe it's good that I often overact on some of the simplest things!
Although if she doesn't want to see a doctor, it is her call. It's strange to see someone not being as concerned about them self as you may be about them (or as you would be for yourself). When my grandmother refused to see a doctor, despite there being a problem, I could not understand why. It's almost inconceivable that someone would not bother with something so simple for any reason. I'll have to ask my mom how she felt about her mothers stance or if she feels any guilt for prodding. My father was the same way. He hated seeing doctors and one time he when messed up his knee, he decided to "fix" it himself with a steroid shot that put him in the hospital for a week with his knee cut open to let the fluid drain out (I don't know why he hated them, especially since he was one himself!).
Your mom is like my grandmother. She was in her early seventies when she got sick and although she did have a doctor, she only saw her once in a blue moon and otherwise felt that doctors weren't all that necessary (she was into a lot of natural remedy stuff and had the idea that a doctors' best interest is not you, but your money). Her doctor is also a flake and in my opinion, utterly incompetent. Her first mistake was giving my grandmother a diagnoses of Diabetes and then prescribing her all sorts of medicine to help. The problem is that she gave my grandmother someone else's diagnoses and didn't catch the mistake until some time later! I guess the apology was sincere enough.
Around early December of 2005 she got sick and the problems had been going on for the greater half of the year, but she simply ignored them or shrugged them off as "nothing", "something I ate didn't agree with me", or "old age". Despite her overall good health (she was in excellent health for her age and had quit smoking and drinking when she was younger; she didn't look a day over 60), my mom knew something was wrong with her mother (call it a gut feeling). She was sure that all of the symptoms added up to a whole (cancer was her fear) and begged her mother to see her doctor, but was always met head-on with a defensive stance and/or a "why don't YOU see a doctor" retaliation. After a month of constant begging -sometimes to the point of tears- my grandmother finally did see her doctor and was given a diagnoses of Diabetes (this was her second one and it was accurate, but was only a small part of the problem). Afterwards, the doctor told my grandmother not to worry and that it was easily manageable, but my mother knew something was not right and kept on pressuring her mom to see a different doctor, but my grandmother would act like it didn't matter (it was basically "my doctor says nothing is wrong, so why should I listen to you?"). My mom was furious that my grandmother's doctor did not even order any scans nor did she really seem to take the complaints too seriously.
One day my grandmother gave in (I think to get my mom off her back). I overheard part of a conversation between her and my mom and it ended with my grandmother questioning that if she did have cancer, would it be getting worse due to her inaction (she was doubtful because no one in our family has had cancer). My mom said yes and on that very day she made her mother an appointment with her own doctor. Unfortunately my grandmother did have cancer and because she waited so long there was not much that could be done except to give her kemo to see if that could possibly prolong her life by a few months along with pain medicine (40mg Oxycontin) to make her more comfortable (she was in agonizing abdominal pain). It was estimated that w/out kemo she might only live for 1-2 months. Even with kemo, she only lasted 4 and died in April of 2006, a few days shy of my sisters birthday. My grandfather is really depressed now. He hasn't acted the same for the past year and he refuses to do a lot of things because it reminds him of her (all of their happiest moments are now sad and unbearable to remember).
Quote from libbie6:I just feel in the back of my mind that if something ever happened to her, that could have been prevented if she did go to a doctor regularly...
The sad part is that when she noticed something was really wrong it was already too late. What's even more irritating is that if she had been getting routine check ups, the doctor is pretty sure that something would have been caught in the earlier stages and then early and aggressive treatment would definitely have helped. Unfortunately she had gallbladder cancer, which is rarely caught by itself until it has advanced and spread. When they found it, it was also in her liver, spleen, intestines, stomach, and lymph nodes, and was beginning to spread to her bones. It also turns out that the symptoms she had been getting were pretty much as described for gallbladder cancer. There's no guarantee that early detection would have saved her life, but because she waited and didn't bother to see a doctor when it started, we'll never know what could have happened.
This has made my mom really serious about yearly checkups and taking even the smallest of problems very seriously. I already see a lot of doctors and get a lot of checkups because I was born with a bone disease and often have problems with something. Maybe it's good that I often overact on some of the simplest things!
Although if she doesn't want to see a doctor, it is her call. It's strange to see someone not being as concerned about them self as you may be about them (or as you would be for yourself). When my grandmother refused to see a doctor, despite there being a problem, I could not understand why. It's almost inconceivable that someone would not bother with something so simple for any reason. I'll have to ask my mom how she felt about her mothers stance or if she feels any guilt for prodding. My father was the same way. He hated seeing doctors and one time he when messed up his knee, he decided to "fix" it himself with a steroid shot that put him in the hospital for a week with his knee cut open to let the fluid drain out (I don't know why he hated them, especially since he was one himself!).