14th March 2006
Hey guys. I am just really thank ful that there are people to talk to that actually know what I'm going through. I have been on very high doses of methadone for a few years and like GreenEyes was saying.....I too just took them like ...well probably worse than you. I'm not proud to say but I would take 100mgs of methadone in the morning and 100 more later alot of the time.In about 3 or 4 yrs I remember going without for 3 days one time and that wasn't nice but at one time I was taking more than that and after just a few hours of not having any I would go into SEVERE WITHDRAWALS. I mean I seriously thought I was going to dye so did everyone aroun me.I desperatly called someone and begged them to give me enough to make it stop!
I have found a non narcotic drug called neurontin and it helps my pain so I said Lord I know you made this happen cause you know how bad this is. He knew more than anyone but me how BAD my addiction and just absolute dependancy got. One day I went around at my church telling people how bad it was and that I need them to pray for me.Then 3Days later I really felt like God was telling me LET'S DO THIS!!! So at this time I had my husband holing the pill bottle for me and he would give me only what I was prescibed for the day which was actually 90mg a day 30mg 3x a day.He'd give me all 9 pills in the morning and I'd take all of them right then. Then I'd sit and wait for them to kick in before I would do anything around the house. I always loved cooking for my familyand keeping the house clean and schooling my kids.It got to a pointe where I didn't get anything accomplished because I was walking around the house like Mary Poppins on dope! I was high as hell thinking that I was doin somthin but nothin got done.Then I started falling asleep alot and I remember telling people "man I been so tired lately...I wonder what's wrong with me?"Duhhh! I was doped up!!! So here my husband was trying to help me right. I mean yeh, I did ask him to. I was attempting to be responsible but.... I sneaked aroun and found his hiding place for them!! In his truck! So I would let him give the ones that I was supposed to have for the day and then I'd say "Hey Hunny I'm gonna take the truck to the store to get some anything. He wondered why all of a sudden I always wanted to take the truck I had my own car! But I was always honest to my husband he didn't realize that he was dealing with an ADDICT! I actually pawned a beautiful white gold braclet that my sister gave me .My 2 daughters 5 and 6 were with me when I did it. I had told my daughters that I would give it one of them in a few years. They wondered why in the world I was getting rid of it. As long as me and my husband have been together (11yrs) we have had hard times but my husband worked hard to make sure that we never had to pawn anything EVER. He takes pride in being a good huband an father and I always tok pride in being mom to the whole neighborhood and my 4children.I tool pride in being a sensible loving honest wife too but ANYTHING for the pills was my new motto. Sorry I've made this soo long but, if you don't have time to read it that's OK. It still does me good to write it and get it out. Any way... the day the Lord let me know it was time to chuck the pills I said alright tomorrow they're gone. Well it was Valentines Day and I didn't want to ruin the day we had planned tomorrow just seem more obtainable. So the next morning I told my husband "hey I been stealing pills out of the truck and taking more than twice the amount I'm prescribed. I'm suprised I haven't killed myself!!!!" I told him that I needed to just stop them altogether or I'll never stop. If I had 1 pill I wanted them ALL! It was the only way. I just put my trust in God and braced myself for what I knew from lots of experience what was comming and guess what? I didn't feel a thing for like 4 days which was unheard of to me. Then things got a tad worse. I had a tad of cramping in my body for like 2 1/2 days .I laid in bed just anticipating the symptoms to escalate.They never did! I've been off them completly cold turkey for about 30 days now! I feel so free! BUT I am feeling lots chills now and depressed but my goodness it surely could have been alot worse. Someone gave me a list of vitamins and minerals to take care of most symptoms. I bought them tonight they said it should take no more than a week to feel better.I'll let ya all know how they work and tell ya what they are if you don't already know.Anyway thanks for listening and I hope my loooong story can help someone.
BY
hisGRACEalone
I have found a non narcotic drug called neurontin and it helps my pain so I said Lord I know you made this happen cause you know how bad this is. He knew more than anyone but me how BAD my addiction and just absolute dependancy got. One day I went around at my church telling people how bad it was and that I need them to pray for me.Then 3Days later I really felt like God was telling me LET'S DO THIS!!! So at this time I had my husband holing the pill bottle for me and he would give me only what I was prescibed for the day which was actually 90mg a day 30mg 3x a day.He'd give me all 9 pills in the morning and I'd take all of them right then. Then I'd sit and wait for them to kick in before I would do anything around the house. I always loved cooking for my familyand keeping the house clean and schooling my kids.It got to a pointe where I didn't get anything accomplished because I was walking around the house like Mary Poppins on dope! I was high as hell thinking that I was doin somthin but nothin got done.Then I started falling asleep alot and I remember telling people "man I been so tired lately...I wonder what's wrong with me?"Duhhh! I was doped up!!! So here my husband was trying to help me right. I mean yeh, I did ask him to. I was attempting to be responsible but.... I sneaked aroun and found his hiding place for them!! In his truck! So I would let him give the ones that I was supposed to have for the day and then I'd say "Hey Hunny I'm gonna take the truck to the store to get some anything. He wondered why all of a sudden I always wanted to take the truck I had my own car! But I was always honest to my husband he didn't realize that he was dealing with an ADDICT! I actually pawned a beautiful white gold braclet that my sister gave me .My 2 daughters 5 and 6 were with me when I did it. I had told my daughters that I would give it one of them in a few years. They wondered why in the world I was getting rid of it. As long as me and my husband have been together (11yrs) we have had hard times but my husband worked hard to make sure that we never had to pawn anything EVER. He takes pride in being a good huband an father and I always tok pride in being mom to the whole neighborhood and my 4children.I tool pride in being a sensible loving honest wife too but ANYTHING for the pills was my new motto. Sorry I've made this soo long but, if you don't have time to read it that's OK. It still does me good to write it and get it out. Any way... the day the Lord let me know it was time to chuck the pills I said alright tomorrow they're gone. Well it was Valentines Day and I didn't want to ruin the day we had planned tomorrow just seem more obtainable. So the next morning I told my husband "hey I been stealing pills out of the truck and taking more than twice the amount I'm prescribed. I'm suprised I haven't killed myself!!!!" I told him that I needed to just stop them altogether or I'll never stop. If I had 1 pill I wanted them ALL! It was the only way. I just put my trust in God and braced myself for what I knew from lots of experience what was comming and guess what? I didn't feel a thing for like 4 days which was unheard of to me. Then things got a tad worse. I had a tad of cramping in my body for like 2 1/2 days .I laid in bed just anticipating the symptoms to escalate.They never did! I've been off them completly cold turkey for about 30 days now! I feel so free! BUT I am feeling lots chills now and depressed but my goodness it surely could have been alot worse. Someone gave me a list of vitamins and minerals to take care of most symptoms. I bought them tonight they said it should take no more than a week to feel better.I'll let ya all know how they work and tell ya what they are if you don't already know.Anyway thanks for listening and I hope my loooong story can help someone.
BY
hisGRACEalone