28th May 2008
Wow. Thanks, y'all. I guess I'll go on vacation.
You know what this job needs that I don't have? Confidence. I have never had much self confidence, and now, I am not only bereft of confidence, I am pretty sure I am schmaltzing up everything.
Example: This trip is EVERYTHING to my family. My concern? That "others" will think I am abandoning him to go live it up in Las Vegas. What if social services catches wind of this? What if he falls? What if....ad nauseum. Truth be told, the neighbor NEEDS a few bucks, dad likes her, she lives feet from him (about eight, to be exact), she will see to it that he eats and does not forget he let the dog out, he does not know (thank you ibake) the difference between Monday and Tuesday, and he will either be fine, or not. Either way, I need to reconnect with my husband (yes, there ARE other women out there and I don't want HIM to figure that out), my son (how many times will he be 12?), my daughter (thank you, honey, for the trip), and maybe myself (???).
Another example of my lack of confidence: Dad is forever talking about his bowels. From what y'all have said, that is common given his situation. But. When he says he is constipated ("bound up" are his words), do I take him at his word and give him some Miralax? Is it bad enough to require a laxative? Do I call the doctor (who I am sure hates me because I call for stuff like this)? Does he have something raging in there that needs to be addressed? If I give him a laxative, will it cause him to have other problems like low potassium? AND ALL HE SAID IS THAT HE'S BOUND UP. I tell ya', I think I am losing my mind sometimes. He seems so fragile that I am afraid that something as simple as an ExLax will kill him.
And while I seem to be on an obnoxious roll, I would like to give a shout out to my 50 yr old brother who lives 4 states away. You visit when I send you the money to do so and you stay 3 days. You accepted a very large monetary gift from dad when you were here 3 months ago, and when I called you and asked you to fly out and take care of dad so I could go on this little vacation with a clear mind, you said you would get right back to me within the hour. Since then, you have not returned any of my 6 phone calls, my 8 emails, or the myriad of messages I have left you. I know you're ok, because I see you online. But you are avoiding me like the plague. You don't call. You don't email. You don't give a damn, do you? Thanks, bro. Thanks a lot.
Ok. I'm done. I think I will go eat some chocolate ice cream now. With nuts. And thank you ALL for the support. I truly don't know what I would do without each and every one of you. You have rescued me from myself so often...
hugs...
deb
You know what this job needs that I don't have? Confidence. I have never had much self confidence, and now, I am not only bereft of confidence, I am pretty sure I am schmaltzing up everything.
Example: This trip is EVERYTHING to my family. My concern? That "others" will think I am abandoning him to go live it up in Las Vegas. What if social services catches wind of this? What if he falls? What if....ad nauseum. Truth be told, the neighbor NEEDS a few bucks, dad likes her, she lives feet from him (about eight, to be exact), she will see to it that he eats and does not forget he let the dog out, he does not know (thank you ibake) the difference between Monday and Tuesday, and he will either be fine, or not. Either way, I need to reconnect with my husband (yes, there ARE other women out there and I don't want HIM to figure that out), my son (how many times will he be 12?), my daughter (thank you, honey, for the trip), and maybe myself (???).
Another example of my lack of confidence: Dad is forever talking about his bowels. From what y'all have said, that is common given his situation. But. When he says he is constipated ("bound up" are his words), do I take him at his word and give him some Miralax? Is it bad enough to require a laxative? Do I call the doctor (who I am sure hates me because I call for stuff like this)? Does he have something raging in there that needs to be addressed? If I give him a laxative, will it cause him to have other problems like low potassium? AND ALL HE SAID IS THAT HE'S BOUND UP. I tell ya', I think I am losing my mind sometimes. He seems so fragile that I am afraid that something as simple as an ExLax will kill him.
And while I seem to be on an obnoxious roll, I would like to give a shout out to my 50 yr old brother who lives 4 states away. You visit when I send you the money to do so and you stay 3 days. You accepted a very large monetary gift from dad when you were here 3 months ago, and when I called you and asked you to fly out and take care of dad so I could go on this little vacation with a clear mind, you said you would get right back to me within the hour. Since then, you have not returned any of my 6 phone calls, my 8 emails, or the myriad of messages I have left you. I know you're ok, because I see you online. But you are avoiding me like the plague. You don't call. You don't email. You don't give a damn, do you? Thanks, bro. Thanks a lot.
Ok. I'm done. I think I will go eat some chocolate ice cream now. With nuts. And thank you ALL for the support. I truly don't know what I would do without each and every one of you. You have rescued me from myself so often...
hugs...
deb