3rd August 2005
Where on earth does that phrase "off the wagon" come from anyway??? :confused:
The first few times I blamed my lack of internet access, but last night, even while reading and posting I planned to take a pill. I won't get addicted again I told myself.
I'm mad at myself today for giving in, so maybe I won't get addicted again, but that desire is still strong in me. I've even been craving hydro which I haven't done since March.
I want to be clean, I want to be good, but I get so scared of pain of not sleeping of not being able to function (like I function so well as an addict!!).
It's a really stressful week for me and my back is killing me and I've got a low level migraine and no migraine meds and no money to buy more. And I'm dealing w/ anxiety from tapering off metoprolol which was supposed to help w/ the migraines but just made me depressed. EXCUSES! I know, I hear it, but somehow last night I rationalized it.
Now I'm just tired and anxious, and now really late for work. :yawn:
The first few times I blamed my lack of internet access, but last night, even while reading and posting I planned to take a pill. I won't get addicted again I told myself.
I'm mad at myself today for giving in, so maybe I won't get addicted again, but that desire is still strong in me. I've even been craving hydro which I haven't done since March.
I want to be clean, I want to be good, but I get so scared of pain of not sleeping of not being able to function (like I function so well as an addict!!).
It's a really stressful week for me and my back is killing me and I've got a low level migraine and no migraine meds and no money to buy more. And I'm dealing w/ anxiety from tapering off metoprolol which was supposed to help w/ the migraines but just made me depressed. EXCUSES! I know, I hear it, but somehow last night I rationalized it.
Now I'm just tired and anxious, and now really late for work. :yawn: