Mochi, we have talked to each other on the OCD board before, but after reading your post, it occured to me that my constant obsession with the meaning of life and death has actually developed into a constant feeling of dread as you described. I also realized that a lot of it is anxiety and that my OCD makes me continually obsess over the feeling and continually relive the feeling in my mind. The same as you, I can also just be talking to someone and all of a sudden-I start thinking, what does any of this matter, and then I get that dread, or as I like to refer to it, the doom and gloom feeling. It is awful!

I thought you said last week that you were going to see a doctor about going back on meds? I am still waiting for the Luvox to kick in, but I notice that my anxiety has gotten better since starting two weeks ago. I think that what you're going through is the same thing that I have-a combination of OCD/anxiety/depression. One just fuels the others. Maybe you should talk to your doctor about trying Luvox or another medication to get you through this. Good luck!

Mochi, I am the same as you-everytime I ever started to feel better, I would think that I didn't need medication, but then it would come back worse than before. That's why I made the decision to go on Luvox.

My OCD/Anxiety/Depression became very bad about a month and a half ago and then it seemed to get better, but I decided to go visit my mom for a few weeks and while I was there I also made the momentous decision that I was going to leave my husband. After I told my husband, I felt relief and actually pretty good about my decision, but then I don't know what happened. After about a week, I just flipped out and my OCD and anxiety became awful. It was so bad that I had to call my husband and beg him to come and pick me up six hours away so that I could go home and go to the doctor. I feel like I was punishing myself by obsessing because I felt guilty over not being really upset that my ten year marriage was over.

But once I was home and I reconciled with my husband, I starting getting worse and that's when the dread feeling started. So I don't know what to make of it. Therapists say not to analyze OCD, but I wonder if it is because I'm dreading the future because I'm not really happy in my marriage? I'm also like you in that I enjoy being alone. One time my husband worked overseas for a year and I was very comfortable with myself during that time. As a matter of fact, I can honestly say that year was one of the least anxious periods of my life and my OCD didn't even exist that whole year.

I'm sorry that your boyfriend is not able to move, but obviously you both still care about each other enough to keep trying after five months. Are you sure that you can't make it work long distance until he can make it work? Anyway, try to go to the doctor this week! Even if you feel better tomorrow, you know it's going to come back. The longer you wait, the more pain you're going to cause yourself and you deserve to be happy!