2nd March 2005
It's great to not be alone!
OH boy did I ever count my pills. I don't count my new ones - the ones that are around to help me - but I sure counted those "old" ones. Part of my relief in recovery is letting go of that one obsession - pills pills pills - to think about them for so many hours.
I love hearing that I can still be smart and funny Alice! I have followed your and your sister's story for a very long time - and it's nice to hear that people I have grown to admire so much share the same disorder with me. NOT that I'd wish it on anyone - but you know what I mean.
I laughed so hard at the chainsaw statement - GOD yes! I sure could. I can think of many oments that I have grabbed my head and just said STOP. At least I did it behind closed doors.
I was thinking last night about anything that I might have been doing outwardly without knowing it that could have appeared strange (mostly for a giggle - not really worried about it) I realized that I must look a bit crazy when I'm shopping - because I can't make decisions because of the conflicting thoughts. IE:
"I love this sweater - I should buy it for myself. Is it really pretty? Maybe it's ugly? It's 21.99. Maybe that's too much to spend on myself since I didn't plan on it. That's not that much - well - if it were under 20. Okay - I won't get it - wait - I really like it . It's silk! That's a great price for silk - does a great price mean you should buy it............"
On and on. Something that takes a few seconds in a normal brain just took me ten entire minutes and the whole time I was staring at that sweater - picking it up - putting it down. Walking away. Coming back. Picking it up. Putting it down. Sometimes walking away just to immediately make a full circle back. Yep - sometimes I must have looked mighty strange! LOL! Oh Well - I can laugh about it now!!
Jon - I am in the middle of that whole trial and error thing as far as drugs are concerned. There a quite a few to chose from when dealing with OCD - It's all about finding the one that works. I am right now starting on Luvox - commonly prescribed for OCD. I HAVE heard of Lexapro being scripted for it. I'm not sure it's one of the major OCD drugs though - there may be ones that are more efficient for OCD - Like Prozac, Paxil, Luvox, Anafranil....
I have to ask you - is there a part of you guys that was a bit araid of losing that very eccentric part of you? The deep thinker? The Empath? I feel a little like the girl in Drop Dead Fred - have you seen that? She had to take one more pill to do away with her childhood imaginery friend that had returned and though she knew it would be good for her - she was sad because she would miss that free-spirit? I won't miss the insecurity or the inability to go forward (or to buy a sweater in less then 2 minutes flat) but I might miss the other things if they go too...:)
Thank again everyone - it has been so comforting to read these posts and to know that I'm not alone on either beast - the addiction or the OCD. :)
Tori
OH boy did I ever count my pills. I don't count my new ones - the ones that are around to help me - but I sure counted those "old" ones. Part of my relief in recovery is letting go of that one obsession - pills pills pills - to think about them for so many hours.
I love hearing that I can still be smart and funny Alice! I have followed your and your sister's story for a very long time - and it's nice to hear that people I have grown to admire so much share the same disorder with me. NOT that I'd wish it on anyone - but you know what I mean.
I laughed so hard at the chainsaw statement - GOD yes! I sure could. I can think of many oments that I have grabbed my head and just said STOP. At least I did it behind closed doors.
I was thinking last night about anything that I might have been doing outwardly without knowing it that could have appeared strange (mostly for a giggle - not really worried about it) I realized that I must look a bit crazy when I'm shopping - because I can't make decisions because of the conflicting thoughts. IE:
"I love this sweater - I should buy it for myself. Is it really pretty? Maybe it's ugly? It's 21.99. Maybe that's too much to spend on myself since I didn't plan on it. That's not that much - well - if it were under 20. Okay - I won't get it - wait - I really like it . It's silk! That's a great price for silk - does a great price mean you should buy it............"
On and on. Something that takes a few seconds in a normal brain just took me ten entire minutes and the whole time I was staring at that sweater - picking it up - putting it down. Walking away. Coming back. Picking it up. Putting it down. Sometimes walking away just to immediately make a full circle back. Yep - sometimes I must have looked mighty strange! LOL! Oh Well - I can laugh about it now!!
Jon - I am in the middle of that whole trial and error thing as far as drugs are concerned. There a quite a few to chose from when dealing with OCD - It's all about finding the one that works. I am right now starting on Luvox - commonly prescribed for OCD. I HAVE heard of Lexapro being scripted for it. I'm not sure it's one of the major OCD drugs though - there may be ones that are more efficient for OCD - Like Prozac, Paxil, Luvox, Anafranil....
I have to ask you - is there a part of you guys that was a bit araid of losing that very eccentric part of you? The deep thinker? The Empath? I feel a little like the girl in Drop Dead Fred - have you seen that? She had to take one more pill to do away with her childhood imaginery friend that had returned and though she knew it would be good for her - she was sad because she would miss that free-spirit? I won't miss the insecurity or the inability to go forward (or to buy a sweater in less then 2 minutes flat) but I might miss the other things if they go too...:)
Thank again everyone - it has been so comforting to read these posts and to know that I'm not alone on either beast - the addiction or the OCD. :)
Tori