16th March 2006
Hey, I have been browsing these boards for a few years (maybe 2, I don't know) and finally registered.
I decided to post here because I have made my first significant breakthrough since I started with psychiatrists and medication when i was 13. I am 32 now.
I have had insomnia to some degree since i was about 10, my mom says younger. I started having problems with going to school and paying attention when i was about the same age. I day dreamed and was a very fast talker. I was a very well behave child. By 13, I couldn't handle the structure of school and faked an illness for a year to get home schooled in 8th grade.
Went back to school in 9th grade (14). Sitting through a 8 hour day at school was torture. I was completely unintrested and unchallenged. I went to see my friends. I always had a lot of friends - still do. By 10th grade, I was absent about a third of my days at school. My mom would call in sick for me because i wanted to drop out and go to college - like I had heard some people had done. She didn't want that. Went to a psychologist and psychiatrist somewhere around 10th and 11th grade (16) and they diagnosed me as bipolar and put me on lithium and trophranil. Didn't do a darn thing. They pulled me out of school in 11th grade (16 or 17)and I was tutored with the regular class work. It took me about 6 hours a week to pass all of my classes. Oh yeah I had that high IQ thing I keep seeing on this board. Went to school my senior year (17), barely passed. Tried prozac at some point, didn't do anything, quit all meds. Still couldn't sleep at night or pay attention in class. Oh this is funny, scored a 1280 on my SATs and a 29 on ACTs.
Ah, the college years. Finally my time to show the world i was smart, and that I just hated high school. Decided I wanted to be doctor, so I went pre-med: dual-major biology and chemistry. Still hated class, but could study well from others' notes (if I was alone, with no noise, in the middle of the night...). I went to a doctor about my insomnia and started taking a benzo for sleep.
After 3 years (21), a 3.6-something GPA and working 2 jobs, I decided i needed a bigger challenge and to go to a real school. Went to a top engineering school dual major: Chemistry and Chemical Engineering. I kicked butt (can i say @$$ here?). My senior year (25) I got a co-op job for 3 semesters. My first 8-5pm since high school. It was a disaster. I was a top performer, but I would work myself up to the point of physical pain and dizzieness by the end of the day. I felt liek i was being poisoned. One doc thought I had lyme disease, but the test results were actually lost (I am not lying). When it was all over, I went back to finish school and got recruited by one of the top 3 chemical companies in the world.
My first job was in R&D (26), I had a lot of flexibility with work hours. This was slightly better than a 9-5 job, because i could run home for naps. I called them brain resetting sessions. Still couldn't sleep for crap, and I was having major physical pain from anxiety - so I thought. Went to a doc again. I talked up this big story about my debilitating anxiety and a bipolar past. It was severly hampering my effectiveness at work and more importantly my relationship with my wife. So, it was Wellbutrin for depression - I was one of the seizure people - that was fun ;). Then Buspar - nothing. Then lexapro - made me tired and my "anxiety" way worse. Took it for 9 months though - now off.
Ok, here i am, and i have been analyzing the crap out of my problems. My mind runs 100mph at all times, it's loud. I haven't been able to read well since I was like 8. I have "anxiety" but I am a very care free person. So it hit me, what if it is hours of forcing my self to think and work hard that is causing my "anxiety". I go to doc, got a trial for Adderall and it was like a switch flipped. I am calm, so calm. I can think, I can sleep, I don't stammer as much, I grin sometimes for no reason, I have cut my sleeping meds to a couple of nights a week from everynight for years. Holly cow.
Now, why is it a stimulant makes me so peacefull? Why are my tics better and I can sit still now?
Has anyone else worked them selves into painfull anxiety from pushing through ADD?
Thanks, if you read this whole thing...
Aaron
I decided to post here because I have made my first significant breakthrough since I started with psychiatrists and medication when i was 13. I am 32 now.
I have had insomnia to some degree since i was about 10, my mom says younger. I started having problems with going to school and paying attention when i was about the same age. I day dreamed and was a very fast talker. I was a very well behave child. By 13, I couldn't handle the structure of school and faked an illness for a year to get home schooled in 8th grade.
Went back to school in 9th grade (14). Sitting through a 8 hour day at school was torture. I was completely unintrested and unchallenged. I went to see my friends. I always had a lot of friends - still do. By 10th grade, I was absent about a third of my days at school. My mom would call in sick for me because i wanted to drop out and go to college - like I had heard some people had done. She didn't want that. Went to a psychologist and psychiatrist somewhere around 10th and 11th grade (16) and they diagnosed me as bipolar and put me on lithium and trophranil. Didn't do a darn thing. They pulled me out of school in 11th grade (16 or 17)and I was tutored with the regular class work. It took me about 6 hours a week to pass all of my classes. Oh yeah I had that high IQ thing I keep seeing on this board. Went to school my senior year (17), barely passed. Tried prozac at some point, didn't do anything, quit all meds. Still couldn't sleep at night or pay attention in class. Oh this is funny, scored a 1280 on my SATs and a 29 on ACTs.
Ah, the college years. Finally my time to show the world i was smart, and that I just hated high school. Decided I wanted to be doctor, so I went pre-med: dual-major biology and chemistry. Still hated class, but could study well from others' notes (if I was alone, with no noise, in the middle of the night...). I went to a doctor about my insomnia and started taking a benzo for sleep.
After 3 years (21), a 3.6-something GPA and working 2 jobs, I decided i needed a bigger challenge and to go to a real school. Went to a top engineering school dual major: Chemistry and Chemical Engineering. I kicked butt (can i say @$$ here?). My senior year (25) I got a co-op job for 3 semesters. My first 8-5pm since high school. It was a disaster. I was a top performer, but I would work myself up to the point of physical pain and dizzieness by the end of the day. I felt liek i was being poisoned. One doc thought I had lyme disease, but the test results were actually lost (I am not lying). When it was all over, I went back to finish school and got recruited by one of the top 3 chemical companies in the world.
My first job was in R&D (26), I had a lot of flexibility with work hours. This was slightly better than a 9-5 job, because i could run home for naps. I called them brain resetting sessions. Still couldn't sleep for crap, and I was having major physical pain from anxiety - so I thought. Went to a doc again. I talked up this big story about my debilitating anxiety and a bipolar past. It was severly hampering my effectiveness at work and more importantly my relationship with my wife. So, it was Wellbutrin for depression - I was one of the seizure people - that was fun ;). Then Buspar - nothing. Then lexapro - made me tired and my "anxiety" way worse. Took it for 9 months though - now off.
Ok, here i am, and i have been analyzing the crap out of my problems. My mind runs 100mph at all times, it's loud. I haven't been able to read well since I was like 8. I have "anxiety" but I am a very care free person. So it hit me, what if it is hours of forcing my self to think and work hard that is causing my "anxiety". I go to doc, got a trial for Adderall and it was like a switch flipped. I am calm, so calm. I can think, I can sleep, I don't stammer as much, I grin sometimes for no reason, I have cut my sleeping meds to a couple of nights a week from everynight for years. Holly cow.
Now, why is it a stimulant makes me so peacefull? Why are my tics better and I can sit still now?
Has anyone else worked them selves into painfull anxiety from pushing through ADD?
Thanks, if you read this whole thing...
Aaron