16th October 2007
I don't know if you even remember me Reach, it has been a long time, and Ready, you have never even met me, but I need you advice now. My short story is I suffer from severe post partum depression and severe migraines. Unfortunately, I am allergic to Imitrex and all those medications used to treat migraines, so my physician prescribed Lortab for them. For a long time, I only used it as prescribed, no problems. But then I had my fourth baby, the post partum depression hit hard, and my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and everything was falling apart. I kept using as prescribed until my baby was about one (the oldest was only 6) and my father (my rock in my life) was given less than a year to live. The depression worsened and the migraines came so frequently that I felt I was doing the worst job as a wife and mother as any one ever could. And that's when I finally noticed the effects of the Lortab. Not only did it take the migraines away, but it made me stop crying. It helped me get my housework done and take care of my kids. It helped me to be strong and take my dad to his last radiation appts and tell him and my mom when there was less than a month left.
Needless to say I became addicted, and addicted hard. By November of that year I was up to 30 pills a day to keep things together. And then my husband and my physician found out. They sent me to a 30 day inpatient rehab last Jan/Feb and since then I have been doing, well, not so great. The depression and anxiety have been sky high, but I was afraid to tell anyone, because all they wanted to hear was that I was all better, and that I could take care of everyone again. Finally I broke down again in August and used again, and of course they found out. But this time I was honest and told them how things were really going. I got a good psychiatrist, and a wonderful clinical social worker/therapist who specializes in addiction, grief and depression counseling. So I was finally starting to make some progress, but still very fragile.
This week, on Wed. I was supposed to go on a trip to NY with some girlfriends for a much needed break. Unfortunately, it had my anxiety really going because I'm very afraid of flying, and I have never flown without getting a migraine. I made several attempts to speak with my family physician about anything we might be able to do to address this. I spoke with my therapist about it, who also told me to talk to my physician. But he didn't get back to me. And then here's where the problem comes in. I'm upset, not knowing how to handle it, so I start packing. And in the bottom of one of my drawers I come across a blank signed prescription from my physician. I had found it on his nurses desk over a year ago, and had taken it "just in case." Well, I had totally forgotten about it until now.
Well, you know what happened. The addiction totally took over, I filled in the prescription myself, took it to a pharmacy and filled it and came home. My thinking of course was, this gets me through the flights, and then I'm done, no more worries. Not so. The pharmacist called my physician b/c he didn't think the prescription looked right, of course my doctor said he didn't right it, and the pharmacy called the police.
I am so scared and ashamed and anxious that I can hardly breathe. I've never even had a speeding ticket. I have no idea what is going to happen. I did call an attorney friend who gave me the name of a criminal attorney who is going to call the police for me today and find out what is going to happen, but I am getting physically sick over this. I have considered suicide, but I can't do that to my babies, that wouldn't be fair to them. I just want to wake up from this bad dream. Please, anyone who is out there, I need help.
Bridget
Needless to say I became addicted, and addicted hard. By November of that year I was up to 30 pills a day to keep things together. And then my husband and my physician found out. They sent me to a 30 day inpatient rehab last Jan/Feb and since then I have been doing, well, not so great. The depression and anxiety have been sky high, but I was afraid to tell anyone, because all they wanted to hear was that I was all better, and that I could take care of everyone again. Finally I broke down again in August and used again, and of course they found out. But this time I was honest and told them how things were really going. I got a good psychiatrist, and a wonderful clinical social worker/therapist who specializes in addiction, grief and depression counseling. So I was finally starting to make some progress, but still very fragile.
This week, on Wed. I was supposed to go on a trip to NY with some girlfriends for a much needed break. Unfortunately, it had my anxiety really going because I'm very afraid of flying, and I have never flown without getting a migraine. I made several attempts to speak with my family physician about anything we might be able to do to address this. I spoke with my therapist about it, who also told me to talk to my physician. But he didn't get back to me. And then here's where the problem comes in. I'm upset, not knowing how to handle it, so I start packing. And in the bottom of one of my drawers I come across a blank signed prescription from my physician. I had found it on his nurses desk over a year ago, and had taken it "just in case." Well, I had totally forgotten about it until now.
Well, you know what happened. The addiction totally took over, I filled in the prescription myself, took it to a pharmacy and filled it and came home. My thinking of course was, this gets me through the flights, and then I'm done, no more worries. Not so. The pharmacist called my physician b/c he didn't think the prescription looked right, of course my doctor said he didn't right it, and the pharmacy called the police.
I am so scared and ashamed and anxious that I can hardly breathe. I've never even had a speeding ticket. I have no idea what is going to happen. I did call an attorney friend who gave me the name of a criminal attorney who is going to call the police for me today and find out what is going to happen, but I am getting physically sick over this. I have considered suicide, but I can't do that to my babies, that wouldn't be fair to them. I just want to wake up from this bad dream. Please, anyone who is out there, I need help.
Bridget