16th July 2003
Hi-
This is an interesting thread and it brought up a lot of memories and reflective thoughts for me.
I'm presently dealing with a vicodin relapse, but since you were talking about alcohol -- before I ever got into opiates, I was drinking alcohol moderately for most of my life. There didn't seem to be a problem. But then, a relationship was called off, and it triggered me to want to just "escape" from the pain and the situation which was very difficult at the time. So for the first time in my life, I started to drink the moment I woke up, etc. I continued this destructive behavior for 1 1/2 years; I honestly don't know how I lived through it...because I was mixing alcohol with xanax, halcion, whatever I could get my hands on. I really should be dead.
But it did get to the point where my body broke down, just shook all over and I went to the employee assistance program where I was employed - I also don't know why I wasn't fired because I either didn't show up to work or was out of it because of drinking. That put me in the hospital for a week for alcohol/xanax withdrawal. It's fuzzy now - because it was so many years ago; but I remember 2 nightmarish days/nights that I won't go into.
Today, I just don't drink -- not because they labelled me an "alcoholic" but because I don't like to anymore!!! For whatever reason, I don't like the way it makes me feel while I'm drinking but especially afterward - so even at a party, I just drink water. Occasionally I have a glass of wine with dinner (the way I used to) but that's rare. It's definitely out of my life.
Unfortunately - a back injury introduced me to vicodin and other opiates ... that will always be my DOC ... because it dug its hooks into me and I've learned how it completely controls me. Man, the things i did to get some when I ran out. I was quite the scam artist.
It's clear that I use because I want to escape from 'life' and "feelings" ...sometimes I think you have to make the most important decision which is - Do I want to live or do I want to die? Really, really think about it and make it. If you decide that you want to live -- then you must do everything towards that end, which includes stopping the drug use. If only I could follow my own advice sometimes.
Kitty
This is an interesting thread and it brought up a lot of memories and reflective thoughts for me.
I'm presently dealing with a vicodin relapse, but since you were talking about alcohol -- before I ever got into opiates, I was drinking alcohol moderately for most of my life. There didn't seem to be a problem. But then, a relationship was called off, and it triggered me to want to just "escape" from the pain and the situation which was very difficult at the time. So for the first time in my life, I started to drink the moment I woke up, etc. I continued this destructive behavior for 1 1/2 years; I honestly don't know how I lived through it...because I was mixing alcohol with xanax, halcion, whatever I could get my hands on. I really should be dead.
But it did get to the point where my body broke down, just shook all over and I went to the employee assistance program where I was employed - I also don't know why I wasn't fired because I either didn't show up to work or was out of it because of drinking. That put me in the hospital for a week for alcohol/xanax withdrawal. It's fuzzy now - because it was so many years ago; but I remember 2 nightmarish days/nights that I won't go into.
Today, I just don't drink -- not because they labelled me an "alcoholic" but because I don't like to anymore!!! For whatever reason, I don't like the way it makes me feel while I'm drinking but especially afterward - so even at a party, I just drink water. Occasionally I have a glass of wine with dinner (the way I used to) but that's rare. It's definitely out of my life.
Unfortunately - a back injury introduced me to vicodin and other opiates ... that will always be my DOC ... because it dug its hooks into me and I've learned how it completely controls me. Man, the things i did to get some when I ran out. I was quite the scam artist.
It's clear that I use because I want to escape from 'life' and "feelings" ...sometimes I think you have to make the most important decision which is - Do I want to live or do I want to die? Really, really think about it and make it. If you decide that you want to live -- then you must do everything towards that end, which includes stopping the drug use. If only I could follow my own advice sometimes.
Kitty