27th January 2007
Ami,
Hope you are doing well and that you are able to BREATH. I have to echo something MikeNY said in his post...about surrendering. That is the first time I have seen anyone post like that...except for me. No one ever responds to mine re: that approach and I always wonder if maybe I'm alone in the way I view my addiction? As you know, my drug of choice is vicodin. I am addicted to them---period. I have ambien, xanax, soma, flexeril all in my medicine cabinet and I could care less about them. If I have trouble sleeping, I'll take an ambien and if I'm flying somewhere, I'll take a xanax, but other than that, they do nothing for me and I honestly, could care less about them...NOW, if I had vics here, I'd take them all...of course, I'd ration them and take 3 today and count them 8000 times and on and on. I don't fool myself about it...I haven't OVERCOME my addiction. If I had them, I'd take them. I don't have them and won't allow myself to ever have them RXd to me again...ever. Just because I KNOW. I cannot take them. Does that make sense to anyone? Am I approaching this wrong? Can you really overcome an addiction? I don't think I can, so I don't even try. I just accept it as fact and that is how I live my life. I don't crave them, I don't think about them...but, as proven to me over Christmas, if I have access to them, I'll take 'em. And, still enjoy them. So, I just can't be around them...period. I no longer "fight" it. I just accept it. Like Mike said. There IS comfort is understanding that about myself. There is no more struggle. I'm at peace with it and just live my life now...drug free...and am so happy. I pray for you and know that you WILL get through this...hugs to you.
Hope you are doing well and that you are able to BREATH. I have to echo something MikeNY said in his post...about surrendering. That is the first time I have seen anyone post like that...except for me. No one ever responds to mine re: that approach and I always wonder if maybe I'm alone in the way I view my addiction? As you know, my drug of choice is vicodin. I am addicted to them---period. I have ambien, xanax, soma, flexeril all in my medicine cabinet and I could care less about them. If I have trouble sleeping, I'll take an ambien and if I'm flying somewhere, I'll take a xanax, but other than that, they do nothing for me and I honestly, could care less about them...NOW, if I had vics here, I'd take them all...of course, I'd ration them and take 3 today and count them 8000 times and on and on. I don't fool myself about it...I haven't OVERCOME my addiction. If I had them, I'd take them. I don't have them and won't allow myself to ever have them RXd to me again...ever. Just because I KNOW. I cannot take them. Does that make sense to anyone? Am I approaching this wrong? Can you really overcome an addiction? I don't think I can, so I don't even try. I just accept it as fact and that is how I live my life. I don't crave them, I don't think about them...but, as proven to me over Christmas, if I have access to them, I'll take 'em. And, still enjoy them. So, I just can't be around them...period. I no longer "fight" it. I just accept it. Like Mike said. There IS comfort is understanding that about myself. There is no more struggle. I'm at peace with it and just live my life now...drug free...and am so happy. I pray for you and know that you WILL get through this...hugs to you.