Your right thats what the problem is I guess I dont know if Im ready to leave it behind because Im scared. I feel like a F*%ing sucker every time i think like that. It makes me feel weak. How could something have so much control over me. I've always had lower back problems since I was a kid and they,ve got worse over the years now 34 I really do suffer alot and it sickens me to think how would I live my life in pain. I have myofacial pain syndrom, fybromyalgia, ddd, osteo, slight kyphosis and it really hurts the older I get. It got worse after I had my 3 year old. Now I take about 60 mil of oxycontin. and 20mg of oxycodone 400mg of topamax 10mg of flexeril 800mg of ibuprofen and these are from my Doc. Except for the extra oxy I take and I also buy percocets that at time I take in place of the oxys because they make me feel happy , but they dont really help with my pain it only last for about 2 hours and I have to take more than I should have to. So I have put myself in a dangerous situation where I know it can't go anywhere but downhill. Everyday I say today is the day i wont do this and it just never turns out that way will todat ever come? Thanks for responding , I really needed this. :)