3rd August 2003
Hi Oxy. I began 10 months ago with the on demand, morphine IV. I was also being given Tylox, aka Percoset (5 oxycontin/325 acetominiphen). After 1 month of those in the hospital I was on MSContin and the oxy Rx. I'm referring to it as "oxy" because there are 4 or 5 brand names of the same percentage ingredients and there seems to be some confusion. I understand that percs, Tylox and endocet are the exact same combo, different manufacturers, right? I was on only 1 tab of MSContin every 6 hours and 2 tabs of the oxy at first. I began to taper off the MSContin in 2 months time but began using more oxy. I actually thought I was tapering for awhile but I felt lured more and more. I would try to not take them and then start having terribly annoying, cramped legs. So, I would take 2 but 30 minutes later still not feel the rush, so I'd take 2 more. I never got over 16 or 17 tabs per day and I really didn't think I had an outragous useage rate but I was feeling recently like it just wasn't enough. I have really been having urges to shoot up and I have never done that. I actually used to have quite the needle phobia. It was becoming difficult for me to go to different dr's because I am a military spouse living in England and all of my health care is meant to take place at the base. I really can't cover because all the local dr's know that. I was home in NY for June and half of July and found it easy to do the walk in clinic thing so I found myself with some full bottles, knowing I had a fresh one waiting for me the next week and I was just crushing them into powder for the rush. Does anyone else do that?
As for the pain and discomfort, keep going. I think you've been given some great advice here. Use baths, music, meditation, visualization. Sip distilled water all day long and make strong attempts to do something endorphine producing. Your body has had synthetic ones for so long that it doesn't know what to do about it's own. I'm not sure if that involves the production of endorphines or the receptors for them, or both. Simple things other than a running produce endorphines. Light a candle, use some black pepper oil on your legs. It is used in aromatherapy for muscle cramps. Get a massage. I had one yesterday and it really helped. It was from a wonderful woman who is actually in AA and I almost cried receiving such a nurturing, warm touch. Also, if you bathe with an essential oil, remember to mix the oil with 1 cup of whole milk before the bath water. Water and oil don't mix so milk acts as the fatty medium to get it mixed with the water and thereby, into your pores. The ancient egyptians did this, I am told. I have my heating pad turned on if I am in bed or on the couch so my legs can be wrapped up in heat and that feels great. I'm saying that if you can't go out and get some blood pumping this week of it, then do things to trigger the senses. Every little bit helps. I am feeling generally disconnected, shakey, cold, crampy and like I said before, exhausted by gravity itself. I haven't had any since Tuesday and I am passing along the info that I have been getting from some of the AA people that have been calling me. It's such an amazing group. I spent over an hour on the phone with a woman today who another friend had ring me. After being supported and soothed by her my friend told me who she was. She was one of the most famous actresses in the UK, (annonymous, of course). Over the phone, I didn't know that. That is how addicts are though. They just relate to each other. No 2 addictions are exactly alike but we all have something that is at once different, and the same. Be well and I'll try to be too.
As for the pain and discomfort, keep going. I think you've been given some great advice here. Use baths, music, meditation, visualization. Sip distilled water all day long and make strong attempts to do something endorphine producing. Your body has had synthetic ones for so long that it doesn't know what to do about it's own. I'm not sure if that involves the production of endorphines or the receptors for them, or both. Simple things other than a running produce endorphines. Light a candle, use some black pepper oil on your legs. It is used in aromatherapy for muscle cramps. Get a massage. I had one yesterday and it really helped. It was from a wonderful woman who is actually in AA and I almost cried receiving such a nurturing, warm touch. Also, if you bathe with an essential oil, remember to mix the oil with 1 cup of whole milk before the bath water. Water and oil don't mix so milk acts as the fatty medium to get it mixed with the water and thereby, into your pores. The ancient egyptians did this, I am told. I have my heating pad turned on if I am in bed or on the couch so my legs can be wrapped up in heat and that feels great. I'm saying that if you can't go out and get some blood pumping this week of it, then do things to trigger the senses. Every little bit helps. I am feeling generally disconnected, shakey, cold, crampy and like I said before, exhausted by gravity itself. I haven't had any since Tuesday and I am passing along the info that I have been getting from some of the AA people that have been calling me. It's such an amazing group. I spent over an hour on the phone with a woman today who another friend had ring me. After being supported and soothed by her my friend told me who she was. She was one of the most famous actresses in the UK, (annonymous, of course). Over the phone, I didn't know that. That is how addicts are though. They just relate to each other. No 2 addictions are exactly alike but we all have something that is at once different, and the same. Be well and I'll try to be too.