I discovered this site today and it is so good to know I am not alone out there. Reading some of the posts have brought me to tears.

I would like to, or maybe even need to, tell my story. I am 32 years old and many years ago got into a hydrocodone/ultram habit with my husband. That, I believe, was one of the reasons for our divorce. There was too much bad history. We have a 4 year old daughter. I vowed never to do it again. After our divorce, (almost 2 years) he got into trouble for stealing demerol from a hospital and was arrested. This was even more power for me to stay away from that stuff.

Last year I started getting really bad headaches. I had a MRI and my doctor thought I had a tumor, after 6 months of tests I now know I don't, luckily. But the headaches did get bad. My doctor basically gave me as much hydrocodone/ultram (both) that I wanted and he still will. So I found myself addicted yet again. I made a choice that I made years ago and will never go back again. I am on day 3. I feel pretty good. I feel very emotional, like I always want to cry. But physically I think I am okay. I need lots of support. I would like to hear more people's story.

I am mad at myself for ever going down this road again, but I am PROUD of myself for putting an end to it NOW. I just look at my daughter's picture when I start feeling sorry for myself. It is funny how this could happen to basically anyone. I have a master's degree and work as a project manager. Thanks for listening. :angel:

Hi Lisa,that's kinda the way it happened for me to.When I was in my early-mid teens I had a couple of rt knee surgeries.I can remember thinking "jesus I hope the pain will be gone soon so I can return to normal".I remember throwing out many bottles of opiate painkillers because my pain was gone and I didn't need them.A few tears later I injured my lower back while playing hockey.I went to the hospital and they sent me home with 6 tabs of demerol.Well after about the second dose of demerol I notice how it made me feel so well and warm and I really liked myself.I could talk freely without worrying if I sounded like an idiot ect.Obviously I had some personnel demons that I wasn't aware of.Well that led to 22 years of heavy daily abuse.4 years ago I got on MMT and my life has done a 180.As for the original poster, you have quit before so you do have an idea what it takes.I wouldn't worry to much about why you started again and focus on stopping now.You sound like a strong person and that's a bonus believe me.Hang in there because as you know your life is much better without opiates.Good luck and keep checkin in for support....Dave:)