Christy,

To answer your question first, yes addiction/dependency is possible even if you don't get a high. The feeling of euphoria typically only happens during the early window of taking medications that produce the euphoria; then tolerance builds; then dependency. When dependency is not carefully managed it evolves into addiction usually associated with the chase for the euphoria that occurred during the early window period. It can evolve into a maddening cycle if not held in check at the tolerance dependency level. It is quite likely that you don't get the euphoria because you have passed the tolerance level. Only you know if you passed tolerance dependency into addiction.

If you are not taking the drugs outside the scope of the directions of the doctor who is administering the medication then by the medical standards of addiction specialists you may have a tolerance dependency but not an addiction. Unfortunately the terminology is used interchangeably without a real understanding of the difference of the two.

I can definitely understand after reading information on benzodiazepines why you are alarmed---very scarey stuff. However, please understand that because of your medical condition you just may be one of the category of folks who must be on the RX meds despite the risks of dependency. Given your medical history, as you have outlined it in your post, you really should discuss your medication concerns with your doctor and not independently decide to stop taking the medication on your own. . It would just be awful if you take independent action with the best of intentions but inadvertently make your overall situation worse by triggering the other medical problems, especially when you said the medication is successfully managing those symptoms for you. The real key risk with Benzo detox is risk of seizure/death; rare, but very real. With your underlying multiple diagnosis you could very well be at higher risk; only your doctor would know your risks. SO, PLEASE DISCUSS WITH YOUR DOCTOR FIRST.

While addiction/dependency issues are a critical concern regarding benzos, your underlying medical problems may very well require that you remain on the medication. Your doctor may be able to do a rotation of medications to help lessen dependency risks. If I were in your situation I would discuss your concerns regarding benzodiazepine dependency and ask if there is any other medication he can switch to you that has less risks, but would still meet your medical needs. Prior to your discussion with your doctor it will help if you educate yourself thoroughly about benzodiazepine risks. When I was researching online to help with my benzo home detox I discovered a wealth of information online and free by Professor Heather Ashton, School of Neurosciences, Division of Psychiatry, The Royal Victoria Infirmary in England. If you type her name or benzodiazepine withdrawals into Google or any webbrowser search engine it will provide you with information options. You may want to print out material and take it to your doctor with the specific website address so he/she can further study it and address your concerns.

Prayers are with you as you evaluate what you feel is best for your needs.

ANOTHER SYMPTOM OF BENZO WD (???)
When my doctor placed me on Xanax after my mother's death, I was on it for about 6-9 months. I knew nothing about it and just trusted my doctor. I was in the depths of despair coping with the realty of my mother's death and suddenly being completely parentless in the world; a very strange feeling. I never felt or knew that a tolerance dependency had even developed. How I discovered it was as follows. Admitted to hospital for surgery where my meds were controlled by someone other than me. I didn't realize I had a tolerance dependency and decided to just not list the Xanax as a medication I was taking when admitted...thought I'd be just fine w/o it and it was time I got off it anyway. I consequently became VERY sick....my doctors (and me) just thought I was having reaction to the anesthesia....made perfect sense to assume it since it isn't uncommon to get sick after surgery....but, mine lingered well beyond the normal window of anesthesia sickness....still it was assumed I must be having "unusual" reaction. The "anesthesia reaction" connection was strengthened (and totally believed by me....I had NO clue otherwise) BECAUSE I HAD A STRONG CHEMICAL SMELL AND TASTE IN MY MOUTH......the "chemical" thing smelled similar to the smells I remembered having when they administered the anesthesia....but, the medical team was a bit baffled because it was "such an unusual symptom" to have last so long. After I got so sick and wasn't getting better I decided I had too much stress with it all and decided to take the edge off things by resuming Xanax for just a day or two to help me sleep......all symptoms gradually went completely away over the next few days.....however, I still did not associate the two....just figured I was getting over the anethesia thing, after all I had also taken a Daily Cleanse 2-week treatment thing for the anesthesia toxins so it was easy to assume it was working! After a couple of months or so I felt stabilized from everything, started a new project management assignment at work that involved drug treatment of incarcerated individuals with prescription drug addictions....starting w/benzodiazepines...I had never even heard of the word benzodiazepine.....up until that time all program assignments had been associated with non-prescription recreational drug interdiction efforts. WHAM, talk about hitting a wall of reality......here I was taking the same s**t in the research work I had been assigned......within days another blow....this s**t is in the same family of drugs, benzodiazepines, that had almost killed my mother years earlier....TOTAL PANIC...researched the hell out of it....thank God I managed to develop a home detox plan to end it...but I went through pure hell in the detox. After the detox, I continued in my personal online research because I learned my sister, 3,000 miles away, was having panic attacks and her doctor had placed her on....XANAX!!! I researched every message board online I could find...where I read posts on detox experiences and what others found in desparation that helped them. I found Professor Heather Ashton's website regarding benzodiazpines where she discussed one of the symptoms of benzodiazepine withdrawals is metallic smells/taste....then I found an online message board thread where others had posted experiencing an ODD CHEMICAL SMELL/TASTE during benzo detox.

Now, can I say for certain whether the strong metallic smell/taste I experienced was a result of the anesthesia or the benzo detox? No, I have no way of knowing for certain since both were happening simultaneously to me, but I felt I should post on the experience and symptom for others just in case it is a symptom that might help others recognize.

Sorry for the confusion. To clarify, there are multiple factors that would contribute to benzodiazepine withdrawal risk factors; doseage level is but one of those factors.

As previously stated in my post, among the factors would also include, but not limited to, the following----everyone's experience with stopping a drug is unique to their own chemistry, doseage level, and length of use. As part of a person's "own chemistry" would include medical condition(s) and other medications.

Risk of seizure is rare, but very real. I watched my mother nearly die of a grand mall seizure from Valium withdrawal. So, for me that reality is quite stark. For those wanting to learn more on benzodiazepine withdrawal risks, much information is available online. Best sources I have found are google searches--type in benzodiazepine withdrawal risks----look for credible websites that have .edu (academic institutions) or .gov---- also well known hospitals. For example, Mayo Clinic, John Hopkins, Stanford, Emory, etc. Check several, not just one.