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   Boy, the things I've done... (Addiction & Recovery board)

26th October 2003
Stella-

It won't be an easy decision, whatever choice you make.

I am 47 and need a total knee replacement. I am paying for running marathons with a joint that has had the meniscus scraped out. I have had horrible stomach problems with NSAIDs. This stems from my running days. It was common practice to gulp 5-6 Advils just prior to a race. In fact, many races gave away various NSAIDs in the raceday goodie bags!! I moved through Feldene, Rx ibuprofen, celebrex, and the worst of the lot, DayPro. Now getting some relief from Vioxx but paying with elevated BP (am on Atacand for that).

I thought the answer would be supplementing the vioxx with a low dose narcotic. One problem--I LOVE DOPE!!! I will never have a sane and rational relationship with the stuff. Thankfully, I used my last refill go-round to taper down, not the Philster way, but rather quickly. My metabolism helps me there. So the dreaded w/ds virtually passed me by this time. Now, I want clean time. That's the difference. When I quit before, it was just abstinence. I will always love dope. Have to accept that. It will take away all I hold dear and will kill me. Have to accept that, too.

The really dumb thing is--I KNEW all this. In 1989, I quit alcohol & coke. Did a long stretch with NA and 4 years with a private therapist. But, because the pills are the result of a MD's signature on that little blue pad, it had to be OK, right? I realize now that, in many ways, it's worse than street drugs. It's refined and purified.

Last semester, for a class, we had a speaker from the Carrier Clinic here in NJ. She is a treatment RN for their in-patient detox/rehab. She called morphine the second most dangerous drug. What's first: OxyContin. It's pure, it's way too easy to get and hard to come off of. She told us the most difficult patients to treat were lawyers and MDs. These are people who are accustomed to being the decision makers and the smarts that got them to their successful positions in their professions work against them. They are certain they are controlling the drug. Don't want to bring you down with this. Look at it as a warning, better yet, as help from somebody who understands.

You didn't make a mistake when you joined this group. You were meant to be here.

OBX aka Ed
28th October 2003
Hi stella-

How are you? I just read your last post. That self-disgust is hard to let go of. Realize that addicition is a legitimate disease. The Puritan foundations of this country of ours will insinuate that it is personal weakness. Your disease is only doing what other diseases do if allowed to remain unchecked.

My own is doing its best to run me today. I am have a see-saw battle over calling the MD for more, which he will most certainly give me. I am seeing him tomorrow to see if the Atacand is helping my BP and that's when I will ask him to mark my file with a "no narcotics" flag. Have a wicked headache today, not getting enough sleep, but this will pass.

Stella, let me end by asking you a question: Are you having fun?

Ed
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