Hi Richie, I don't think that it is so much a question of saying no. Seems to me that what is needed is a way for you to armour yourself against their pain, etc. Doctors do it, imagine yourself as a doctor, you would HAVE to step back a bit. Adear friend of mine, a therapist, said to visualize empathy as a circle you and the other person are standing in. Put one of your feet outside the circle. This is your balance. You are still there for them, but not totally consumed. I used to be a real Mrs Fixit, never happy unless I took on somebody's problem and sorted it out. I still have those tendencies but now I see that I cannot fix it for someone. This was such a relief, and gave me room to listen, to support someone while they came round to their own solution. I know it is a bit different for you, but you CAN strengthen your boundaries. As the late great Carl Rogers (and others) said "I am 100% responsible for (dealing with) my own behaviour; I am 0% responsible for dealing with the behaviour of others."