Hi Alone. My dad has alzheimers and is totally reliant on the VA for his medical care and medications. I had to fight like heck to get him diagnosed. I was shocked at how hard I had to work to PROVE there was something wrong with my dad. You said your grandfather's psychiatrist refuses to diagnose him with AD. Does he/she give a reason why? One VA psychiatrist told me there was nothing wrong with my dad other than being a bit forgetful. We went thru several doctors. Then we hit the payload when my dad's doctor started sending him to a VA clinic closer to his home. I told her what was going on with dad and she refered him to Hines VA Hospital near Chicago. Dad had seen a few doctors there before but this NP made an appt with a geriatric doctor who specialized in AD/dementia. There, he had all the tests first to rule out other things and then to test him for AD. Of course the best day to test him for AD is when he was having a bad day. As you probably have noticed, most AD patients have some good days and bad days. The problem with getting dad diagnosed was he always seemed to be having a good day when it was time to go to the doctor. We lucked out the day the memory test was scheduled. He was having a somewhat "off" day. Not bad but bad enough to convince the doctor that something wasn't right. He was put on Aricept and eventually, Zoloft for depression. He was ok for a while. Aricept can only help stave off the inevitable. When things started getting worse, it was another uphill battle to get the doctor to rx Nemenda. It's very expensive so the VA only pays for it in the later stages IF the patient isn't helped by any other drugs. My sister had to battle that one since dad moved south with her. I wish I could say my dad is better. The Nemenda did help for a while but eventually that will stop helping too.

Whoever has medical POA over your grandfather can get another doctor within the VA system. I would suggest making an appt with his regular doctor if his regular doctor is with the VA. Talk to that doctor and explain things to him/her. Write things down; grandpa's mood swings, sleeping during the day and staying up at night (sundowning), hallucinations, whether he remembers to eat, shower, take his meds or not, strange conversations, etc....Give a copy of your observations to the doctor but be careful not to do it in front of your grandpa so as not to embarrass or anger him. When the doctor has a hard copy of what your grandpa and his caregivers have been going thru, he'll be less likely to shrug it off and more inclined to at least consider it.

There are ways around the VA but you have to be persistent. Don't take no for an answer. This is your loved one and no one can be a better advocate for him than his family.

Oh and one suggestion as far as showering. Maybe it'll help for a while, maybe it won't. It worked for a while with my dad. My sister told him "You remember what the doctor said. She said if you don't shower, she's going to send someone out here to give you a shower". Like your grandfather, my dad doesn't want others giving him a shower. So my sister started laying clean clothes and towels in the bathroom and telling him "The doctor said she might pop in here today to check and see if you've showered. She said if you didn't, she'd get you in there." Needless to say he showered. He didn't want the doctor in their house! LOL!!!

I hope the suggestions and ideas given help you at least some. We've all been thru it. We know how hard and how sad this disease is for everyone involved.

Love, Barb

PS Maybe if you turn on the water and get it to a comfortable temp, that will prompt him to shower.

You might say "Grandfather, I've started the shower for you. The water is running. It's nice and comfy warm and waiting for you to enjoy." Try any means of getting him to shower.

Make sure the shampoo, soap and washrag are visible and easily reached from both a sitting and standing position. This may ease his confusion a little.