Well I am brand new to this site and to talking with people online about my problems with ocd but here goes.

Just reading through the different topics and questions and concerns makes me feel better that other people know where I am at.

I only suffer from the side of obsessional thinking and doubting. It really effects me because of the extent of my thoughts and how they wont stop. It seems I have really gotten to know this disorder very well through my struggles with it.

All my life I struggled with it but not severe until I was about 19. thats when it started with my first panic attack. I thought I was going to die of a heart attack because I had a weird blood rush feeling when laying down for bed one night. thats when it all started to hit the fan!!!!! went to the doctor and he said i was not going to dye of a heart attack and that I was fine. I could not stop obsessing about it though. I would feel my pulse constantly and I could feel everything going on in my body. well as most of you know on this website it did not get better all of the sudden because the doctor told me I was not going to die of a heart attack. also doc said I had a panic disorder and he started me on some zoloft(1 month). I was only on that for a little while and then went to pamelor(nortryptiline)(3 months) (i think i spelled that wrong), then went to anafranil(clomipramine)(6 months) and it took a little while but finally starting helping me. after I got tired of the side effects of Anafranil went to Luvox(for about a year) which seemed to really keep me ok from my obsessions but caused some weight gain. so then went to celexa(1.5yrs) and then to Lexapro(3 years) when it came out because doc said it would have less side effects than celexa which it did.

Lexapro kept me under control for over 3 years I think. but just recently everything started again. started worrying constantly about my health and thought i was going to die and that led into the other thoughts and fears. so I guess the lexapro stopped working. was on 20mg for 3 years.

My obsessions have and still do include all of the ones people experience on this board! so dont feel alone.

I went from thinking I was going to die of a heart attack or that i was going to have a heart attack altogether. then it went to thoughts about hurting people and doing weird sexual things to people, the thought of being gay was there as well then it went to doubting everything I believed was true. it has been a truly awakenin just learing about this disorder.

My greatest fear is that I would do something to hurt myself! I cannot get that one out of my head. I know it is not me and that it is the ocd but everyday is a struggle. it seems that the constant anxiety and worry lead to depression symptoms? anybody else ever see that happen?

I am currently taking Cymbalta 60mg for 6 weeks now and I dont know if it is helping me or not? it seems like sometimes the thoughts dont bother me at all and then they are all back again.. this time I am also taking some buspar and xanax with the cymbalta, which help me with the anxiety but do not take it away.

Sometimes it is hard to get out of bed and face the day because of all this anxiety. I am really anxious about my job and if I am going to be able to continue?

Comments or questions would be greatly appreciated!!!
I have been there before and am there again so ask anything and i would be happy to try and help!

Good luck to all, and GOD BLESS!!!!