10th August 2004
Hey gang..I hope this evening finds everyone at peace and on the road to
recovery...I am posting this in hopes of helping others if even it only inspires
one..I took out a new notebook today ( funny though it actually was one a
drug rep had left at my desk a few months back - hmm...poetic justice in
a way considering it is advertising a muscle relaxer )...okay off track ,sorry
just feeling a bit physically under the weather but on my way up the ladder
spiritually / mentally ...Basically I started with writing out the top ten
reasons I need to get off the opiates , benzos ,muscle relaxers..I then
created a taper plan for myself - Step 1. As of 3 a.m. last night I took my
last alprazolam ( I have more I just havent taken any since last night )..
Step 2. I will taper my valium by 5 % everyday started today with that also-
figured the long half of the valium will cover any potential problems from
discontuing the alprazolam ( I used both benzos everyday )..Step 3 - I quit
the muscle relaxers completely - Soma - completely..havent taken any
today...Step 4 The dreaded opiods...I started today with tapering down
10 % each and everyday as to the total mg/day - so far I have done that
today...The general things I have decided to do are as follows 1. Continue
taking my Wellbutrin for the depresssion I feel although maybe ,maybe the
darkness ,despair ,isolation ,horror I feel may be lifting a bit..2. I have an
appt. scheduled Mon - 8/16 with a therapist through my works EAP line
to discuss my depression...3. I made an appt. with my primary care doc
for Tues 8/17 to check my BP ,etc and possibly add another AD if I need
it in addition to the Wellbutrin 4. Asked my ex-lover to please go to the
store tonight and get plenty of gatorade ,popsicles , and some ensure ,
and some saltines ( said I was feeling like I was getting the flu ) - cant drive
for 8 weeks ( post-op cervical fusion )....5. I am trying to find an NA meeting
and confidential way to get there and will go somehow/someway by Fri 8/20..
6. Try and be good to myself and most importantly stop throwing myself
whining ,self-pity parties and just deal with it...I have decided to give
myself a reward and in October either take a trip to the keys and swim
with the dolphins or buy myself a new motorcycle ( I used to have a Yamaha
650 special many years back ) - but I miss the freedom , joy ,wind blowing
through my hair as of late...Gang that is all I have come up with so far - oh
yeah and write down every single pill /tablet I take and what time so I
have a record and am accountable....Thanks all and as always wishing
everyone the best...Any suggestions are certainly wellcomed and needed ,
I know this is just the beginning but it is a start....
Peace....Chris
recovery...I am posting this in hopes of helping others if even it only inspires
one..I took out a new notebook today ( funny though it actually was one a
drug rep had left at my desk a few months back - hmm...poetic justice in
a way considering it is advertising a muscle relaxer )...okay off track ,sorry
just feeling a bit physically under the weather but on my way up the ladder
spiritually / mentally ...Basically I started with writing out the top ten
reasons I need to get off the opiates , benzos ,muscle relaxers..I then
created a taper plan for myself - Step 1. As of 3 a.m. last night I took my
last alprazolam ( I have more I just havent taken any since last night )..
Step 2. I will taper my valium by 5 % everyday started today with that also-
figured the long half of the valium will cover any potential problems from
discontuing the alprazolam ( I used both benzos everyday )..Step 3 - I quit
the muscle relaxers completely - Soma - completely..havent taken any
today...Step 4 The dreaded opiods...I started today with tapering down
10 % each and everyday as to the total mg/day - so far I have done that
today...The general things I have decided to do are as follows 1. Continue
taking my Wellbutrin for the depresssion I feel although maybe ,maybe the
darkness ,despair ,isolation ,horror I feel may be lifting a bit..2. I have an
appt. scheduled Mon - 8/16 with a therapist through my works EAP line
to discuss my depression...3. I made an appt. with my primary care doc
for Tues 8/17 to check my BP ,etc and possibly add another AD if I need
it in addition to the Wellbutrin 4. Asked my ex-lover to please go to the
store tonight and get plenty of gatorade ,popsicles , and some ensure ,
and some saltines ( said I was feeling like I was getting the flu ) - cant drive
for 8 weeks ( post-op cervical fusion )....5. I am trying to find an NA meeting
and confidential way to get there and will go somehow/someway by Fri 8/20..
6. Try and be good to myself and most importantly stop throwing myself
whining ,self-pity parties and just deal with it...I have decided to give
myself a reward and in October either take a trip to the keys and swim
with the dolphins or buy myself a new motorcycle ( I used to have a Yamaha
650 special many years back ) - but I miss the freedom , joy ,wind blowing
through my hair as of late...Gang that is all I have come up with so far - oh
yeah and write down every single pill /tablet I take and what time so I
have a record and am accountable....Thanks all and as always wishing
everyone the best...Any suggestions are certainly wellcomed and needed ,
I know this is just the beginning but it is a start....
Peace....Chris