14th June 2007
Hey All!!!Well I'm still alive.......how I do not know!
You guys are just so ultra coooooool! :cool:
Gotta (try) and make this short cuz I'm super tired and spent, but here's what's going on now. Like I said before, I hadn't been taking my ativan so I had about 60 of them stored asside to take 4 at time to hold up...literally. I was able to take a total of 5 hydros Sunday by about 3pm. I've done this a hundred times, and I couldn't believe it the w/d's were hitting me by 10pm, I kid you not. I guess because I had been ingesting such huge quantities for a week and having meth before that. When I tell everyone the w/d's get worse each time you quit/start/quit......I MEAN IT. Please listen to me on this one! Let me be your lesson learned. I litterally puked from 10pm until 11am the following day. To where I was just wrenching up bile from the depths of who knows where. Dehydrated, shaking, and back and ribs hurting so badly from hurling so hard. Throwing up blood you name it. I didn't even get to the sweats yet just chills.
Finally insisted my mother go get my ativan refill the minute the pharm opened and downed 4 of them. If I had not done that I would surely have died or been taken to the ER and the jig woulda been up. Words cannot begin to tell the agony a fear and lonliness I was in. Needless to say I had to keep up the dosing of 4 ativans every about 2-3hrs to stay afloat. But I knew that now I had a new problem on my hands....what to do when the ativan runs out.....
So I think I have now put a plan together .....I hope it works.
Callled my doc today and had her prescribe me Fentanyl patches for one month. I plan on taking them for about 2months maybe 3 and telling her I have a serious problem and need her help detoxing from home. Now I know many of you are asking why take so long? Well let me clear this up. I swear, by the time I tell ya'll about all my trials and tribulations, you probably won't speak to me again.....but I'm not really as bad as I sound.:angel: Everything I'm about to tell ya'll happen in the course of about 3-4years.
So here goes......I am one of these people you'd look at and not even think I'd put a drink in my mouth, very proper and "fixed" I guess you'd say.....my Babtist upbringing I suppose. Maybe that's why docs trust me I dunno.
A few years ago I was going through a divorce and a heavy duty custody battle. My ex was at my house and we got into it and I slapped him across the face.....just like you see a thousand times in the movies.....like Cassablanca or something.....you could name a million movies.Anyway we said our f-u's and it was over. About a year later, after being run over by a car causing all this damage and pain, I, by fluke found out I have a warrant out for my arrest for domestic violence. Now not one officer ever came to my door, I wasn't notified, not investigated, nothing! I had no clue. The only way I found out was because I was looking up the status of the person who had run me over and for fun stuck my name in the county's site......BOOM there I was. Well the ex and I are fine now and he has attempted to drop charges with the county and thru my attorney......Not that easy.....This will explain to all of you now why I don't drive.....scared of going to jail. My atty is trying to get all this wiped off, but it's taking time, but close to an end.
So as I sat here in these massive w/d' yesterday I recieve a phone call from the prosecuter's office regarding the man who ran over me. (I have a pending criminal and law suit). They want me in the prosecuters office Tomorrow for prepping and jury selection to begin Monday. Now there is a great possibility I could be taken to jail since I have this warrant. My attorney is aware of all this and said they'll get me in and out in about 3-4hours (God willing). Sooooooo, now do you see why this just isn't a real good time to quit and w/d??? Also I (with mother) am moving about 20 miles away to a new house the first of August. I also will be getting a new job when the warrant is lifted which, in theory, could be tomorrow. Now there. I said it. Hope you guys still love me anyway! But let this be a lesson to all of ya'll who think things can't get worse, or you can beat an addiction, I thought the same thing! I did "just fine" with my poisons for 35 years and BOOM......one delima after another!
Sorry this is so long....I knew I couldn't make it short. :yawn: But I just wanted ya'll all to see that I'm way past excuses and blame games and lying about all this stuff. But things are what they are and it would be impossible to testify, sit in a jail, start a job, move (all habitating with my A#1 trigger) while detoxing. So I'm thinking all this legal crud will be over in two months and I can trully focus on me. Tell the doc (she already knows I think) draw up a detox plan, get a job, my own place, and live happily ever after! Right?
Right now my job is to stick to the prescription plan and work on ME. With alot of help from you guys! This Fentenyl is a much better deal because it's harder to abuse (believe me I know it can be) and no acetaminophen....which was about to trully shut my kidneys down again.
Thanks so much you guys for being here and being so honestly concerned.....you will never know in a million years how much it means to me! I literally have nothing left. I purposely cut ties with all friends, lost so much when I was hit, my home, my belongings, cloths, you name it. (another long story as to why) I am trully rebuilding my entire life ground up. Thankfully only to the ONE above, I do have my son and a beautiful relationship with him! I wouldn't be here if I didn't. Luckily I also have not lost ME. I have before! But I'm stronger than ever now and can see the light!
I'll be letting yall know what comes!
Love you all bunches!
Shay
:cool:
You guys are just so ultra coooooool! :cool:
Gotta (try) and make this short cuz I'm super tired and spent, but here's what's going on now. Like I said before, I hadn't been taking my ativan so I had about 60 of them stored asside to take 4 at time to hold up...literally. I was able to take a total of 5 hydros Sunday by about 3pm. I've done this a hundred times, and I couldn't believe it the w/d's were hitting me by 10pm, I kid you not. I guess because I had been ingesting such huge quantities for a week and having meth before that. When I tell everyone the w/d's get worse each time you quit/start/quit......I MEAN IT. Please listen to me on this one! Let me be your lesson learned. I litterally puked from 10pm until 11am the following day. To where I was just wrenching up bile from the depths of who knows where. Dehydrated, shaking, and back and ribs hurting so badly from hurling so hard. Throwing up blood you name it. I didn't even get to the sweats yet just chills.
Finally insisted my mother go get my ativan refill the minute the pharm opened and downed 4 of them. If I had not done that I would surely have died or been taken to the ER and the jig woulda been up. Words cannot begin to tell the agony a fear and lonliness I was in. Needless to say I had to keep up the dosing of 4 ativans every about 2-3hrs to stay afloat. But I knew that now I had a new problem on my hands....what to do when the ativan runs out.....
So I think I have now put a plan together .....I hope it works.
Callled my doc today and had her prescribe me Fentanyl patches for one month. I plan on taking them for about 2months maybe 3 and telling her I have a serious problem and need her help detoxing from home. Now I know many of you are asking why take so long? Well let me clear this up. I swear, by the time I tell ya'll about all my trials and tribulations, you probably won't speak to me again.....but I'm not really as bad as I sound.:angel: Everything I'm about to tell ya'll happen in the course of about 3-4years.
So here goes......I am one of these people you'd look at and not even think I'd put a drink in my mouth, very proper and "fixed" I guess you'd say.....my Babtist upbringing I suppose. Maybe that's why docs trust me I dunno.
A few years ago I was going through a divorce and a heavy duty custody battle. My ex was at my house and we got into it and I slapped him across the face.....just like you see a thousand times in the movies.....like Cassablanca or something.....you could name a million movies.Anyway we said our f-u's and it was over. About a year later, after being run over by a car causing all this damage and pain, I, by fluke found out I have a warrant out for my arrest for domestic violence. Now not one officer ever came to my door, I wasn't notified, not investigated, nothing! I had no clue. The only way I found out was because I was looking up the status of the person who had run me over and for fun stuck my name in the county's site......BOOM there I was. Well the ex and I are fine now and he has attempted to drop charges with the county and thru my attorney......Not that easy.....This will explain to all of you now why I don't drive.....scared of going to jail. My atty is trying to get all this wiped off, but it's taking time, but close to an end.
So as I sat here in these massive w/d' yesterday I recieve a phone call from the prosecuter's office regarding the man who ran over me. (I have a pending criminal and law suit). They want me in the prosecuters office Tomorrow for prepping and jury selection to begin Monday. Now there is a great possibility I could be taken to jail since I have this warrant. My attorney is aware of all this and said they'll get me in and out in about 3-4hours (God willing). Sooooooo, now do you see why this just isn't a real good time to quit and w/d??? Also I (with mother) am moving about 20 miles away to a new house the first of August. I also will be getting a new job when the warrant is lifted which, in theory, could be tomorrow. Now there. I said it. Hope you guys still love me anyway! But let this be a lesson to all of ya'll who think things can't get worse, or you can beat an addiction, I thought the same thing! I did "just fine" with my poisons for 35 years and BOOM......one delima after another!
Sorry this is so long....I knew I couldn't make it short. :yawn: But I just wanted ya'll all to see that I'm way past excuses and blame games and lying about all this stuff. But things are what they are and it would be impossible to testify, sit in a jail, start a job, move (all habitating with my A#1 trigger) while detoxing. So I'm thinking all this legal crud will be over in two months and I can trully focus on me. Tell the doc (she already knows I think) draw up a detox plan, get a job, my own place, and live happily ever after! Right?
Right now my job is to stick to the prescription plan and work on ME. With alot of help from you guys! This Fentenyl is a much better deal because it's harder to abuse (believe me I know it can be) and no acetaminophen....which was about to trully shut my kidneys down again.
Thanks so much you guys for being here and being so honestly concerned.....you will never know in a million years how much it means to me! I literally have nothing left. I purposely cut ties with all friends, lost so much when I was hit, my home, my belongings, cloths, you name it. (another long story as to why) I am trully rebuilding my entire life ground up. Thankfully only to the ONE above, I do have my son and a beautiful relationship with him! I wouldn't be here if I didn't. Luckily I also have not lost ME. I have before! But I'm stronger than ever now and can see the light!
I'll be letting yall know what comes!
Love you all bunches!
Shay
:cool: