Hi Michelle - Welcome back, it sounds like you had a nice time away. I wish I had good news regarding the new anti D. I seem to suffer severely from side effects and this was no exception. It threw me into a suicidal state and I ended up in the hospital after overdosing on Ambien. That was the worst day of my life and, I'm sure, my daughter's lives. I spent 4 nights in the hospital and one night in a "behavioral" center. It was pure hel*. I have tried just about every anti D out there and cannot seem to tolerate them at all. I think the only one I haven't tried is Abilify, but I'm terrified to try anything else right now because of what it might do to me. I'm ashamed to say that I've begun taking the vics again because I need to have some energy to get a job and it takes the edge off the anxiety and the rls. The most I've taken is 1.5 in a day. I'm really trying not to take any more than I have to, but some days - like today - I feel so horrible that I can barely function. :(

I have not lost sight of what I went through with the ct detox.....I do not want to go thru that again - I just feel so stuck. My plan is to only take the most minimal amount to get through the day and once I have steady employment and have moved (my house is in foreclosure) I will taper off of them. I'm not happy about this situation at all, but I don't know what else to do. I don't have the luxury of laying on the couch, I have no family support except my daughters (21 & 22) and I have to get on with my life.
I called my mom, who I haven't spoken to in years to ask for her help and she took the opportunity to throw the past in my face. Her I am sobbing on the phone, baring my soul and she turned her back on me - again. Honestly, I wasn't completely surprised, but I was really hoping that she would help me and encourage me. I felt like that sad, abused little girl again, with no one to lean on. That's been the most difficult part - the lack of support. (With the exception of the people on this board who have been wonderful!!!! :angel: ) I went to some NA meetings and at first found them helpful, but after a few, I found them emotionally draining.

My oldest daughter is home from the Navy and she leaves Tuesday, which I'm not looking forward to. I haven't been alone much in the last couple of weeks and that is what I fear the most. I do have a job interview Tuesday afternoon and I am hopeful that I will have a job soon - so there is some hope. I pray that I will never feel like my life is not worth living again. I love my daughters so much and don't want to leave them. I hope they will be able to forgive me for what I've put them thru. :(

I have to sign off for now. I made my daughter a birthday cake and it's time to do that now.

Maggie - are you out there?????? I haven't seen you post in a while, are u okay???????? I'll check back in a little later. Thank you for listening.